1. Posted: February 8, 2018In:

    A well-known psychiatrist in a small town encounters with the mental status of different patients wanting to become professional writers, but he realizes that his advice to them won’t work.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Richiev and DPG. The plot isn't clear, what specific event motivates him and what exactly is he motivated to do?

    Agreed with Richiev and DPG.

    The plot isn’t clear, what specific event motivates him and what exactly is he motivated to do?

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  2. Posted: February 6, 2018In:

    As Mussolini?s marketing team assess the safety of a propaganda cliff jump he is about to attempt, they discover that their leader is afraid of heights.

    dpg Singularity

    >>marketing teamBetter:? propaganda bureau.>>>The marketing team are all main characters ? like reservoir dogs.Mussolini was a dictator not a syndical anarchist.? Which means there would be a pecking order, a top-down hierarchy;? somebody would be in charge of the El Douche's propaganRead more

    >>marketing team

    Better:? propaganda bureau.

    >>>The marketing team are all main characters ? like reservoir dogs.

    Mussolini was a dictator not a syndical anarchist.? Which means there would be a pecking order, a top-down hierarchy;? somebody would be in charge of the El Douche’s propaganda campaign.? Like Goebells? ran Hitler’s propaganda operation.? That’s the way things are run in a dictatorship.? The propaganda bureau can operate like a comedy writers’ room, but somebody should be nominally in charge, reporting to El Douche.

    >>they discover that their leader is afraid of heights.

    And then what?? What becomes the objective goal?

    And is there a conspiracy on the part of some one in the bureau to manipulate El Douche’s narcissistic ego to get him to kill himself — an assassination plot?

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  3. Posted: February 6, 2018In:

    After his egg family joins the “high class vegetarians”–due to his proposed thesis–Scrambled Jr. must resolve the growing vengeance of non-vegetables towards the privileges of being a vegetable

    Richiev Singularity

    You shouldn't use a thesis as your inciting incident. What specific even sets your lead character into motion? What must your lead character do? What is standing in his way? Why would an egg become a high-class vegetarian?

    You shouldn’t use a thesis as your inciting incident.

    What specific even sets your lead character into motion?
    What must your lead character do?
    What is standing in his way?

    Why would an egg become a high-class vegetarian?

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