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  1. Posted: February 27, 2017In: Comedy

    After he magically starts visualizing the desires of any female he touches, a girl-shy teen gets the chance to win his dream girl away from a Machiavellian bully.

    Dkpough1 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on March 1, 2017 at 11:22 am

    "Do you agree, or do you think a logline without an explicitly stated inciting incident is a no no." Personally I don't think a logline absolutely needs an inciting incident. There's actually a thread DPG started where we discussed it in detail. To me, the most important parts are: 1) Hook 2)CharactRead more

    “Do you agree, or do you think a logline without an explicitly stated inciting incident is a no no.”

    Personally I don’t think a logline absolutely needs an inciting incident. There’s actually a thread DPG started where we discussed it in detail.
    To me, the most important parts are: 1) Hook 2)Characters 3)Plot/goal 4)Inciting incident.
    As long as you have the hook, dangling out there in the logline, and it is concisely written and conveys some sense of the plot, it is debatable whether an inciting incident is necessary.
    As for??After he starts hearing what women think a chauvinist ad exec gets the chance to steal back his job from a female rival??it’s a bit different because it does imply the inciting incident. But it puts the hook front and center, and it actually offers a clear reason, due to his chauvinistic nature: How could a mere woman deserve the job more than him?

    I hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: February 22, 2017In: Comedy

    When a humiliated teen gets the ability to see the desires of anyone he touches, he gets a shot at outmaneuvering the girl who brought him down.

    [Deleted User]
    Added an answer on February 26, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    I've left a response on your newest revision of this.

    I’ve left a response on your newest revision of this.

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  3. Posted: February 22, 2017In: Comedy

    When a humiliated teen starts visualizing the true desires of any female he touches, he gets a chance to win the girl away from his Machiavellian rival.

    [Deleted User]
    Added an answer on February 26, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    Just a couple housekeeping things, I'm not sure if they've been mentioned or not, but: "the girl"? What girl? Why does he "want" her? And if his rival is "Machiavellian", doesn't your protagonist using his new power for his own gain make him the same thing? What separates them? I think this is similRead more

    Just a couple housekeeping things, I’m not sure if they’ve been mentioned or not, but:

    “the girl”? What girl? Why does he “want” her?

    And if his rival is “Machiavellian”, doesn’t your protagonist using his new power for his own gain make him the same thing? What separates them? I think this is similar to the movie?Election?in that they are all morally grey but what makes them sympathetic and possibly borderline likable is that they struggle with their guilt throughout as it builds up throughout. If this isn’t what you were going for, then change the descriptions of your characters immediately.

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