1. Posted: November 25, 2016In:

    When hunting season nears for the 20th time in his career, a miserable assassin enrolls in his pregnant wife?s yoga and pilates class to rediscover a desire to kill.

    Lorato Logliner

    I think this would be an interesting movie to watch. I quite like it. However, I can't quite understand the first part of the logline, has he not been able to kill all along in the previous seasons that he has to rediscover the desire? Because that is how it sounds to me. Or is he desperate becauseRead more

    I think this would be an interesting movie to watch. I quite like it.
    However, I can’t quite understand the first part of the logline, has he not been able to kill all along in the previous seasons that he has to rediscover the desire? Because that is how it sounds to me. Or is he desperate because for this season the desire is just not coming? Does the pregnancy play any part in this journey in a more antagonistic way? because if not maybe you should remove it. The objective goal though is very clear and works.

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  2. Posted: November 23, 2016In:

    When he learns his mom has only months to live, a self-absorbed, corporate executive must find his estranged siblings to re-create childhood photos so they make a final gift to their mother before she dies.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This sounds like it has the makings for a nice drama, but I could also see it making a nice comedy - depends on how you choose to swing it.I think best to define the inciting incident in more concrete terms - After his mother is given a month to live...It is a relatively low stakes premise. If theyRead more

    This sounds like it has the makings for a nice drama, but I could also see it making a nice comedy – depends on how you choose to swing it.

    I think best to define the inciting incident in more concrete terms – After his mother is given a month to live…

    It is a relatively low stakes premise. If they fail the mother dies with no visual reference of their childhood, if they succeed she sees some photos – she is no better or worst off either way.

    What if, as a result of her condition,? she lost all her memory of their childhood? Now, instead of showing her something she’s already seen, the siblings have a month to give her back her memory’s of their times together.

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  3. Posted: November 13, 2016In:

    when he meets the girl of his dreams, be spite being with someone else, the monophobic Henric must decide if he wants the girl, or if he wants to stay with his girlfriend, at the same time as learning to sing so he can propose to his girlfriend, and the one teaching him is his girl of his dreams

    dpg Singularity

    As Nir Shelter said. ?At 59 words in length this logline is too long and too confusing to figure out. ?A logline needs to be ?concise statement ?that clearly informs a reader what the story is about. Further, a plot is not about having to make this or that decision -- two hours of ?a protagonist vacRead more

    As Nir Shelter said. ?At 59 words in length this logline is too long and too confusing to figure out. ?A logline needs to be ?concise statement ?that clearly informs a reader what the story is about.

    Further, a plot is not about having to make this or that decision — two hours of ?a protagonist vacillating with indecision ? A plot is about a protagonist who as a result of an inciting incident makes a decision to pursue a specific objective goal, and how that pursuit plays out, right or wrong, for better or worse.

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