1. Posted: October 29, 2016In:

    A vengeful lonely guy consults to his multiple psychopathic personalities, who all either support him, frustrate him or simply do random stuff, while he is deciding whether he should kill his cheating girlfriend or forgive her.

    Richiev Singularity

    "When he catches the love of his life cheating on him, a recovering psychotic stops taking his meds which triggers an internal war with his multiple personalities, between those who wish to kill her and those who wish to forgive."

    “When he catches the love of his life cheating on him, a recovering psychotic stops taking his meds which triggers an internal war with his multiple personalities, between those who wish to kill her and those who wish to forgive.”

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 30, 2016In:

    A rag-tag group of technologically challenged small towners try to thwart a one ship alien invasion.

    Best Answer
    Adam Bernstr?m Samurai

    As I see it, it's more than just a situation; it could easily be the entire second act. I'm not entirely sure exactly what technologically challenged means. Are they a bunch of people who don't know how to program their VCRs, or whatever the contemporary equivalent of that is? Senior citizens? NothiRead more

    As I see it, it’s more than just a situation; it could easily be the entire second act.

    I’m not entirely sure exactly what technologically challenged means. Are they a bunch of people who don’t know how to program their VCRs, or whatever the contemporary equivalent of that is? Senior citizens? Nothing wrong with that, since I get the feeling, this is a comedy, or at least have comedic elements.
    I agree that even when there’s a group of leading characters, there needs to be a clear protagonist, a leader. One character to focus on, even if he has a group of friends to help him.
    This protagonist needs a goal, but I suppose that is to stop the alien invasion. It’s always good to have a ticking clock, and also what’s at stake? What happens if he fails?
    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: October 27, 2016In:

    Chad Tully, a college dropout turn travel agent living in Manhattan, receives news that his family’s property in the Outback of Australia is facing foreclosure. So, when Jerry Hampton, an ageing reality TV star comes in to plan a vacation, Chad books him into his family’s dilapidated property, passing it off as a five-star resort, hoping he will invest, saving the property.

    Knightrider Mentor

    Agreed with the above, it isn't great that he'll lose the family home, but if he does, as an audience, we kinda say "So what?" As mentioned he needs stakes he can't just lose it, he has lose everything if he does, what is on the line if he loses the house? His life, his attachment to his family, theRead more

    Agreed with the above, it isn’t great that he’ll lose the family home, but if he does, as an audience, we kinda say “So what?” As mentioned he needs stakes he can’t just lose it, he has lose everything if he does, what is on the line if he loses the house? His life, his attachment to his family, the one connection to his parents or maybe he borrowed money from the mob to do it up, but gambled it away and now they want it back.

    Maybe his parents are alive and on a years holiday, in that time the house has become a ruin and now his parents are coming home, so he needs a plan and quick… Get a long term renter to stay etc.

    That last bit also gives you a ticking clock, which is always a bonus in a logline.

    Anyways, the parts are there I can see a beginning, middle and end etc, it is wordy and lacks stakes, so overall good effort.

    See less
    • 0