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A deranged lonely programmer must run away from a sadistic motorbiker, as he kills his cheating girlfriend after consulting his multiple topsy-turvy personalities.
The MC is deranged, lonely, a programmer, a killer and has dissociative identity disorder - WOW! You've certainly crammed a lot in. I suggest you simplify the MC's description down to the absolute necessary. What is it that will make his task harder? What is his flaw that he will overcome during theRead more
The MC is deranged, lonely, a programmer, a killer and has dissociative identity disorder – WOW! You’ve certainly crammed a lot in.
I suggest you simplify the MC’s description down to the absolute necessary. What is it that will make his task harder? What is his flaw that he will overcome during the story?
Killing someone for cheating is too harsh, and will make it very hard for the audience, despite the black comedy aspect, to empathise with the MC. Is it necessary for him to kill her? Or can this simply be dropped?
Lastly, stories are best framed within a finite amount of time – you need to clearly define the starting point and end of your story in a logline. What is it he MUST achieve and what motivates him? In other words, what is the inciting incident and goal? How long must he run away for? A week? A year? A decade? And why does the bad guy start chasing him?
See lessA college dropout turn travel agent living in Manhattan is faking his way through life. He receives news that his family’s dilapidated farm in Outback Australia, is facing foreclosure. Desperate to save the farm and fulfill his dream, he books an ageing reality TV star a vacation there, passing it off as a five-star resort. He and his family scramble to hide the truth, as they try to snag an investment from the celebrity.
Unless this has already been written I would make a suggestion.I don't believe the lead should to try to make the celebrity believe the farm is a five star resort, I don't think that is plausible. Instead I would have the lead try to convince the celebrity his farm is the new 'in' thing. CelebritiesRead more
Unless this has already been written I would make a suggestion.
I don’t believe the lead should to try to make the celebrity believe the farm is a five star resort, I don’t think that is plausible. Instead I would have the lead try to convince the celebrity his farm is the new ‘in’ thing. Celebrities are always doing dumb stuff because it’s ‘in’.
So he would convince the celebrity it is like a ‘dude’ ranch only with farming. (Or a real life farmville) And he would have the celebrity hoeing the garden, feeding the pigs and bailing ?hay.
“All the celebrities are doing it, We just had Madonna last week”
A bond would form between the celebrity (I would make one male and one female) maybe even a little romance, then just when you think maybe something will happen, the the celebrity will find out she was tricked! This of course would lead to the ‘all is lost moment’
However if this is already written this was just a suggestion.
See lessA vengeful lonely guy consults to his multiple psychopathic personalities, who all either support him, frustrate him or simply do random stuff, while he is deciding whether he should kill his cheating girlfriend or forgive her.
"When he catches the love of his life cheating on him, a recovering psychotic stops taking his meds which triggers an internal war with his multiple personalities, between those who wish to kill her and those who wish to forgive."
“When he catches the love of his life cheating on him, a recovering psychotic stops taking his meds which triggers an internal war with his multiple personalities, between those who wish to kill her and those who wish to forgive.”
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