1. Posted: September 8, 2016In:

    After being abandoned by his wife, a middle aged British man relocates to Bangkok and works as a teacher; this move gives him many hilarious experiences.

    Richiev Singularity

    When you say, there isn't any conflict... I have to be a little worried. Rules are made to be broken, That is true but the one rule that would be hard to break is the rule "Story is Conflict" Not only should your overall story have conflict, every episode should have conflict and every scene shouldRead more

    When you say, there isn’t any conflict… I have to be a little worried.

    Rules are made to be broken, That is true but the one rule that would be hard to break is the rule “Story is Conflict”

    Not only should your overall story have conflict, every episode should have conflict and every scene should have conflict. I am not sure how you can get around that rule.

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  2. Posted: September 8, 2016In:

    After a member of the Gonzo Girls unexpectedly dies; Santana, Veronica, Shoshana, and Olympia must stop the advertisers from cancelling their show on the fledgling pop-culture network by Sweeps Week.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The last revision of the logline is very?wordy,?and?describes too few plot points.I direct?you?to my original comments, describe a single main character with a single goal. ?Also, no names should be mentioned in the logline, unless it's a biopic or based on widely known historical events.Here is a fRead more

    The last revision of the logline is very?wordy,?and?describes too few plot points.

    I direct?you?to my original comments, describe a single main character with a single goal. ?Also, no names should be mentioned in the logline, unless it’s a biopic or based on widely known historical events.

    Here is a formula for you to use, stick to this structure when constructing your next draft:

    After an out of the ordinary and significant event happens to a flawed main character, he or she are motivated to take a specific action in order to accomplish a compelling goal.

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  3. Posted: September 5, 2016In:

    When their two best friends suddenly die, an adventurous wife and risk-averse husband discover in the will that they must scatter the ashes in a remote Italian village, propelling them on a European road trip that will challenge their relationship.

    Gaia Logliner

    Hi guys, I really appreciate all the feedback! It's really been helpful. To answer some of your questions: @ Nir Shelter: As for the motivation for the road trip, ?the will acts as a excuse for the wife to go on a roads trip as she has always dreamed of going on a big adventure, but ?her risk-averseRead more

    Hi guys, I really appreciate all the feedback! It’s really been helpful.
    To answer some of your questions:

    @ Nir Shelter: As for the motivation for the road trip, ?the will acts as a excuse for the wife to go on a roads trip as she has always dreamed of going on a big adventure, but ?her risk-averse and resistant to change of a husband never wanted to. So this is her chance.

    dpg I agree, I think it’s important to set the location as Europe as this is very much a love letter to Europe.

    @Moses99, thank you will try and tighten things more!

    The two people that die are their best married couple friend with whom they shared a life time of closeness, and had many plans together for their retirement. All of a sudden, this is shattered by their death, and leaves them in shock about how fragile life is. This motivated the wife to seize life while there is still time. Especially because they are about to become grandparents for the first time.

    Thank you so much guys for all your input!

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