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  1. Posted: June 25, 2016In: Comedy

    (REVISED) When a single-minded entrepreneur conducts an unauthorised trial of a ?telepathic phone? in a small town and accidentally transmits a virus that makes everyone lose self-control, she must find a cure with the help of the only uninfected person – a technophobic hippy.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2016 at 8:39 am

    I don't see why a protagonist can't be the source of the inciting incident as long ?the "Doh!" moment is caused by his own ?character flaw. ?Instead of describing the protagonist in this logline as "single-minded", ?I would also describe him as "reckless". ? There is definitely a causal relationshipRead more

    I don’t see why a protagonist can’t be the source of the inciting incident as long ?the “Doh!” moment is caused by his own ?character flaw. ?Instead of describing the protagonist in this logline as “single-minded”, ?I would also describe him as “reckless”. ? There is definitely a causal relationship between his character and the dramatic problem.

    However, when the character flaw is so obviously the cause of dramatic problem, as in this instance, it can become a problem making the protagonist a sympathetic or likable character. ?In this case, I may be more inclined to root for the uninfected person, not only to solve the dramatic problem but also pop the balloon of the protagonist’s ego in the process, cut him down to size for the “dramatic sin” of hubris in the form of recklessness and single-mindedness. ?

    To wit, ?the uninfected person ?becomes the pivotal character — because the protagonist needs him to clean up the mess he created. ?He becomes life-saving hero of the story.

    Hmm. ?Maybe the plot and logline should be re-engineered to make the uninfected person the protagonist.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: June 26, 2016In: Comedy

    After being accidentally cryogenically frozen, four Brooklyn hipsters wake up 50 years later to find their neighborhood overtaken by corporations, and must fight to save the last standing bar from becoming a Starbucks.

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on June 27, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Don't let the allure of an ensemble cast blind you to a good structure. Multi protagonist plots are notoriously difficult to pull off well, and subsequently to finance. Ask yourself, aside from the group dynamic, what do the multi protagonists give the story that it wouldn't have with one? As I don'Read more

    Don’t let the allure of an ensemble cast blind you to a good structure. Multi protagonist plots are notoriously difficult to pull off well, and subsequently to finance.

    Ask yourself, aside from the group dynamic, what do the multi protagonists give the story that it wouldn’t have with one? As I don’t see how having 4 main characters actually helps.

    To that matter building high, and preferably personal, stakes for 4 separate characters is both very difficult and inefficient – it’s hard enough to do well with one.

    Secondly I find that laughing at hipster’s “skewed” priorities has not only been done, but also likely to fill no more than a scene or two at most worth of comedy.? For a full length feature to be made out of it, you need more, hens the suggestion for more/higher/personal stakes.

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  3. Posted: June 23, 2016In: Comedy

    Clumsy kid learns to dance to stand up to bully and impress bully’s ex-girlfriend at school dance.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on June 24, 2016 at 8:41 am

    In the movie 'ANGUS' the mean kids, as a joke, rig an election so that Angus will have to dance with the prettiest girl in school (The girl he has a crush on) in front of everyone. He is scared because he doesn't know how to dance. So in this scenario learning to dance and 'getting the girl' sort ofRead more

    In the movie ‘ANGUS’ the mean kids, as a joke, rig an election so that Angus will have to dance with the prettiest girl in school (The girl he has a crush on) in front of everyone. He is scared because he doesn’t know how to dance. So in this scenario learning to dance and ‘getting the girl’ sort of go hand in hand.

    I believe you are trying to say the same thing. The lead character must lean to dance, get the girl.

    I would simply try another logline attempt that’s more clear. Maybe add a few specifics.

    Good luck, your story sounds interesting

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