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A guy meets a beautiful woman in Scandinavia, but he can not remember her name. They didn?t exchange numbers. They don?t live in the same country. But they felt extreme chemistry. The are both sure they came to this world to make beautiful babies, but she leaves the place after they meet. Leaving this man with the intrigue, motivating him to search for all the girls from Scandinavia on Facebook until he finds her picture. (The man later discovers he had the woman?s name written on a paper in his the back pocket of the jean he was wearing that day).
The logline is too long and?confusing. And it?gives away the ending -- something a logline should never do. The confusion, in my mind anyway, arises from the fact that they exchanged phone numbers. So why didn't he just call her?? Also a guy is utterly bedazzled and bewitched by a woman -- but can'tRead more
The logline is too long and?confusing. And it?gives away the ending — something a logline should never do.
The confusion, in my mind anyway, arises from the fact that they exchanged phone numbers. So why didn’t he just call her?? Also a guy is utterly bedazzled and bewitched by a woman — but can’t remember her name, not even her 1st name?? How probable, how believable is that?
See lessAn aging songwriter used to be wildly successful, but lost his fame when the inspiration for all his songs, his wife, left him. Now, he has been kidnapped by an aspiring singer, who is giving him 3 months to write a great album for the young singer to steal. Having been unable to write anything good for years, the aged star must try to make his ex-wife fall back in love with him, in order to regain his writing ability and save his life.
Tony Edward's version certainly distills the concept to its essence.? However,?it spawned 2 alternate takes?in my mind.? Take #1 focuses on the "A" story:When kidnapped by a pop-star?wanna be, ?a once famous songwriter has 30 days to write a hit album for his kidnapper or die.(24 words)It ups the?drRead more
Tony Edward’s version certainly distills the concept to its essence.? However,?it spawned 2 alternate takes?in my mind.? Take #1 focuses on the “A” story:
When kidnapped by a pop-star?wanna be, ?a once famous songwriter has 30 days to write a hit album for his kidnapper or die.
(24 words)
It ups the?dramatic tension with higher stakes (his life) and a ticking clock (30 days).
But, alas, it fails to include the ” B” story twist that?his only hope of survival.? So take #2:
When kidnapped by a pop-star?wanna be, ?a once famous songwriter has 30 days to write a hit album for his kidnapper or die, a task he can only accomplish by reconnecting with his muse, his ex-wife.
(37 words)
The general rule is that a logline is supposed to be about the “A” story.? Only.?? But there are exceptions to every rule.? And to my way of thinking,? the “B” story is the hook in the concept; it’s ?what makes the “A” story in this logline?compelling — in order to live he must reconnect with his muse.? Love is his only?hope for survival– a bonding agent between audience and the protagonist doesn’t get any stronger than that.
(Although I do wonder?how?can he?win her back when he’s being held hostage.? But then that’s why ?smart phones, email, texting, Instagram and Twitter were invented, to give writers additional options and flexibility for telling their stories.)
Anyway, despite it’s length, despite it being an “A” & “B” story logline, I’m inclined to favor #2.? Best wishes with this story.
See lessA down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnight sensation. The sudden fame along with having to choose between his dream and being a good person shows him that there is more to being a champion than winning.
As DPG mentions above, your logline spends a lot of time on the setup:?-----A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnightRead more
As DPG mentions above, your logline spends a lot of time on the setup:?
—–
A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnight sensation.
—–
Then it get’s vague:
—–
The sudden fame along with having to choose between his dream and being a good person shows him that there is more to being a champion than winning.
—–
-This makes me wonder if ‘the set up’ should be the movie.
The movie starts off by showing him being ‘down on his luck’.
Then we introduce the lead characters dream of being a NASCAR driver.
The lead sees the chase happening and he leaps into action…
Perhaps one of the kids he drives is kidnapped and put into the car.
He must act.
The chase is on.
There is a complication; someone is still on the bus, preferably someone he doesn’t get along with at first.
They bicker, they argue.
The police tell him to stop, but he won’t because he must save the kid.
The person on the bus, (Maybe his girlfriend who was about to dump him) keeps nagging at him.
No matter the obstacle, he keeps on going and finally saves the day.
He becomes a hero
The movie ends with him achieving his dream of being a NASCAR driver.
Roll credits
I only mention this because you seem to have a clearer version of the ‘set-up’ than the rest, so maybe the ‘set-up’ is the movie.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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