1. Posted: December 9, 2019In: , ,

    When an all-work-no-play high school valedictorian who has gotten into an A-list college discovers her party-animal peers also got into A-list colleges, she resolves to cram four years of fun into one night.

    dpg Singularity

    Wdcurry:Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actuallyRead more

    Wdcurry:

    Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actually was.

    Your version leads with what? I consider to be the most important element in a logline, the story hook.? And then it follows up with the inciting incident.? The first thing I try to identify is the inciting incident and that usually becomes the lead in the logline.? Out of habit and because that is the common practice.? And? because many times the story hook is embedded in the inciting incident (When a shark starts attacking vacationers at a beach resort…).

    But in this case, the story hook is what the protagonist does in response to the inciting incident.?? And that is what I should have led off with.? You did — two thumbs up.

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  2. Posted: December 9, 2019In:

    When criminals mistake him for one of their own during a botched drug deal he?s observing, a nervous novelist, researching his latest book, goes undercover for the police to bring a notorious crime lord to justice.

    dpg Singularity

    Suggest the police spurn his help.? So, on his own initiative, he collects enough evidence to catch and convict the bad guys on his own,? Oh, and concurrently collects the research he needs to write his book.?A two-fer OG?? Hmm.? Something to think about.Except that if he's trying to juggle a dual ORead more

    Suggest the police spurn his help.? So, on his own initiative, he collects enough evidence to catch and convict the bad guys on his own,? Oh, and concurrently collects the research he needs to write his book.?

    A two-fer OG?? Hmm.? Something to think about.

    Except that if he’s trying to juggle a dual OG, then implicitly t must inevitably lead to a crisis, a dilemma where he can either get the bad guys or get the inside scoop for his book — but not both.

    FWIW.

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  3. Posted: December 8, 2019In:

    When his former ?friends? from his shameful prison past visit him and don?t leave, a family man sets about getting them all back into the dating game – which threatens his own marriage in the process.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I like this idea. I think you have a good collection of characters although, for an Alexander Payne style of thing, I'm not sure I would bother with the sheriff. This is just my personal preference. It's a bit cliche in this kinda thing and makes it feel a little cartoony or too comedic. This shouldRead more

    I like this idea.

    I think you have a good collection of characters although, for an Alexander Payne style of thing, I’m not sure I would bother with the sheriff. This is just my personal preference. It’s a bit cliche in this kinda thing and makes it feel a little cartoony or too comedic. This should be about them all looking forward without being able to look past their past. Maybe the only people who are actually really bothered about their criminal past are themselves and this is their internal journey?

    What I really wouldn’t want to see, is them turning back to crime at any point.

    What does the protagonist learn? What’s his arc? These three need to teach our protagonist (and potentially his wife too) something about love. I’m wondering if, thinking out loud, these three ex-cons all have different relationships that need fixing. Malkovich wants a girlfriend, Woods needs his relationship with his daughter fixing, and Liotta needs to reconcile with his wife? There’s a lot of life lessons there and, in my head, it’s more interesting that they’re all different aspects of love.

    The John Malkovich type – he’s brilliant with women… so what does our protagonist have to do?

    I wonder if the David Hyde Pierce character should actually be someone who our protagonist aspires to be rather than him wanting to be one of the guys. This gives our hero the “looking forward” perspective – the aspirational contrast to the blast from the past he gets from his prison buddies. As this is the B-Story for our protagonist, the Act II climax could be the discovery that his neighbour also has a hidden criminal past or something? Throwing stuff out there.

    Have you seen “Silver Linings Playbook”? I see this having some similarities with that film.

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