1. Posted: November 27, 2018In:

    When a mutated pubic lice epidemic turns people into sex-crazed zombies, a prudish neuroscientist teams up with a loud prostitute to find and spread the cure.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    Thank you all for pointing out the sexist aspect of this premise. I admit I was blind to it and very frivolous about the whole idea.I see that making a prostitute have unprotected sex to spread the lice remedy is a perverse idea. The clich? of her characterisation only makes things worse. So does fiRead more

    Thank you all for pointing out the sexist aspect of this premise. I admit I was blind to it and very frivolous about the whole idea.

    I see that making a prostitute have unprotected sex to spread the lice remedy is a perverse idea. The clich? of her characterisation only makes things worse. So does filing the story under “comedy.”

    Thank you all, again.

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  2. Posted: September 1, 2019In:

    After peeing on a stick, an aging party girl who has it all: the fiance, the house, the job .. and the crippling anxiety ? must decide if she?s ?old enough? to have her baby.

    dpg Singularity

    I like the idea of a woman faced with an inciting incident that forces her to must finally start acting her age.? However, I would like one more clarification.? When you say she's "aging" -- approximately what age do you have in mind?? Mid 30's, on the cusp of 40... or?? I think that needs to be madRead more

    I like the idea of a woman faced with an inciting incident that forces her to must finally start acting her age.? However, I would like one more clarification.? When you say she’s “aging” — approximately what age do you have in mind?? Mid 30’s, on the cusp of 40… or?? I think that needs to be made a little more specific because it seems to be a important story element.

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  3. Posted: August 31, 2019In:

    An aging party girl has it all: the fianc?, the house, the job.. and the crippling anxiety. Now she?s hiding a surprise pregnancy in order to get to know her bully mum, and if she has what it takes to be a better parent.

    yqwertz Mentor

    The first sentence is all setting and can be condensed to: "a woman with crippling anxiety".The second part I don't understand. How does hiding the pregnancy help her to get to know her mother? Wouldn't it be the other way around, the pregnancy brings them closer together?The final goal, wanting toRead more

    The first sentence is all setting and can be condensed to: “a woman with crippling anxiety”.

    The second part I don’t understand. How does hiding the pregnancy help her to get to know her mother? Wouldn’t it be the other way around, the pregnancy brings them closer together?

    The final goal, wanting to be a better parent, is admirable, but a bit weak on the dramatic side. (We don’t know how well we do as parents until our kids are twenty-five and living on their own.) Is there one particular thing that her mother did that she hated as a child and she wants to understand why her mother did it? The more concrete you make the goal, the better the logline.

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