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  1. Posted: August 31, 2019In: Comedy

    An aging party girl has it all: the fianc?, the house, the job.. and the crippling anxiety. Now she?s hiding a surprise pregnancy in order to get to know her bully mum, and if she has what it takes to be a better parent.

    yqwertz Mentor
    Added an answer on August 31, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    The first sentence is all setting and can be condensed to: "a woman with crippling anxiety".The second part I don't understand. How does hiding the pregnancy help her to get to know her mother? Wouldn't it be the other way around, the pregnancy brings them closer together?The final goal, wanting toRead more

    The first sentence is all setting and can be condensed to: “a woman with crippling anxiety”.

    The second part I don’t understand. How does hiding the pregnancy help her to get to know her mother? Wouldn’t it be the other way around, the pregnancy brings them closer together?

    The final goal, wanting to be a better parent, is admirable, but a bit weak on the dramatic side. (We don’t know how well we do as parents until our kids are twenty-five and living on their own.) Is there one particular thing that her mother did that she hated as a child and she wants to understand why her mother did it? The more concrete you make the goal, the better the logline.

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  2. Posted: August 27, 2019In: Comedy

    Three nerdy high-school students time travel back to 1940s Queens in attempt to stop future President of the United States Donald Trump from being born.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on August 29, 2019 at 9:49 am

    You should give your story an unexpected twist: "After they travel back in time and stop Trump from being born, three nerdy highschool students must set things aright when the new future turns out to be a dystopian nightmare."

    You should give your story an unexpected twist:

    “After they travel back in time and stop Trump from being born, three nerdy highschool students must set things aright when the new future turns out to be a dystopian nightmare.”

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  3. Posted: August 16, 2019In: Comedy

    Three ruthless employees of an eccentric childless billionaire suffering from Alzheimer’s attempt to trick him into bequeathing his vast fortune to them by posing as his children.

    Bollywoodbabe Penpusher
    Added an answer on August 24, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    You can create a save the cat situation to make the audience empathise. Perhaps they want it for something which has a noble twist.

    You can create a save the cat situation to make the audience empathise. Perhaps they want it for something which has a noble twist.

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