1. Posted: April 5, 2019In:

    After an altercation over some pocket change escalates, a failed actor inadvertently takes another man hostage and must now reach the public in order to avoid arrest.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Getting there...Is this a short? If a feature, the logline needs more meat on the bone. For instance, why is the crowd his concern when the police are minutes away? What does he do most of the time or why does this last long?Are we supposed to root for the guy or relate to his frustration and enjoyRead more

    Getting there…

    Is this a short? If a feature, the logline needs more meat on the bone. For instance, why is the crowd his concern when the police are minutes away? What does he do most of the time or why does this last long?

    Are we supposed to root for the guy or relate to his frustration and enjoy the trainwreck? Right now it leans to the latter, but without the enjoyment part.? If we’re to root for the guy, consider that he’s victimized in some way.

    Still not clear what being an actor does for the story. As for talentless…does he know he’s talentless?

    With the next adjustments, look to highlight what exactly is the hook and what exactly makes this funny.

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  2. Posted: March 31, 2019In:

    Upon watching a man taking another one hostage in broad daylight, an event planner on a job interview decides to prove his skills by turning the situation into a beautiful celebration.

    dpg Singularity

    Robb Ross raise several good points.And the logline lacks a required piece of information:? what is the event planner's objective goal, what is his purpose?? Is it a? selfless scheme to rescue the victim?? Or a selfish publicity stunt, to market himself?

    Robb Ross raise several good points.

    And the logline lacks a required piece of information:? what is the event planner’s objective goal, what is his purpose?? Is it a? selfless scheme to rescue the victim?? Or a selfish publicity stunt, to market himself?

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  3. Posted: March 24, 2019In:

    Upside down in a binge, Hank Thomson loses a key that came with a cat that nobody wanted, putting his unborn child in danger; Bad luck for Hank since that cat?s key belongs to a trinity of badass’ that will kill the woman carrying his future. “So just remember, Hank!”

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    Wording is important. You say nobody wants the cat, but then say, the cat is owned by not one, but three bad guys and they trusted the cat so much they put a mysterious key on it, and now they are desperately looking for the cat and key. So the story sounds interesting. But the logline is confusingRead more

    Wording is important. You say nobody wants the cat, but then say, the cat is owned by not one, but three bad guys and they trusted the cat so much they put a mysterious key on it, and now they are desperately looking for the cat and key.

    So the story sounds interesting. But the logline is confusing and probably doesn’t do your story justice.

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