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  1. Posted: September 20, 2018In: Comedy

    An incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on September 21, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    I don't think the grandmother needs to escape, This should be 'The Ransom of Red Chief' but with an old lady. In other words, the granny is so annoying that the hapless?kidnappers finally just give her back.

    I don’t think the grandmother needs to escape, This should be ‘The Ransom of Red Chief’ but with an old lady.

    In other words, the granny is so annoying that the hapless?kidnappers finally just give her back.

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  2. Posted: September 11, 2018In: Comedy

    When a failed real estate agent is threatened to be fired, he must sell a house no one else has succeeded in selling.

    mrliteral Samurai
    Added an answer on September 21, 2018 at 8:32 am

    Never start a logline with "When." It's like burying the lead. No one cares about things that happen; we care about the people to whom those things happen. Past that, the premise isn't clear. If he's already a failed agent at the beginning, why is he still working at the agency and attempting to selRead more

    Never start a logline with “When.” It’s like burying the lead. No one cares about things that happen; we care about the people to whom those things happen.

    Past that, the premise isn’t clear. If he’s already a failed agent at the beginning, why is he still working at the agency and attempting to sell a house? Maybe a different adjective or tense would help, like failing, or down on his luck…or if he’s young and new to the industry, trying to succeed and/or thrive, he could be a junior agent, or maybe a senior agent trying to sell a house he never could, do so before forced retirement…I’m just not seeing the stakes here. “Threatened to be fired” isn’t that much of a threat. People get fired all the time. In fact a lot of characters get fired in the first act so they can pursue what the movie’s really about in the second act.

    Basically, you haven’t made your story clear, so there’s no way any of us can help improve your logline because we don’t know enough of the details behind it. Why has no one sold the house? Is it haunted? Is it a shithole? Too gaudy, too expensive, too rural, what? It doesn’t sound like there’s enough conflict to sustain a feature, unless there’s more detail you haven’t hinted at. A logline has to give an impression of the scope of a story without specifying or giving away all the details.

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  3. Posted: September 17, 2018In: Comedy

    When her mother goes into rehab, the 16 year old girl must go with her father, a country singer, who is temporarily released from jail to do a tour.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 19, 2018 at 6:23 am

    >>>When a teenage ballet dancer goes on tour with her country singer father she barely knows, she must save him from getting killed as he?s a witness in a murder case.1] This is a comedy?2] She barely knows him -- but she knows he's a witness in a murder case?? And she knows the bad guys whRead more

    >>>When a teenage ballet dancer goes on tour with her country singer father she barely knows, she must save him from getting killed as he?s a witness in a murder case.

    1] This is a comedy?

    2] She barely knows him — but she knows he’s a witness in a murder case?? And she knows the bad guys who are out to kill him?

    3] For the purpose of? plot and? logline, how does being a ballet dancer enable her to save him? With?a karate version of a grand jet??? A defining characteristic of a character should be relevant to the plot problem.? That she is a ballet dancer seems extraneous.

    4]? The story has gone through several versions –what is the common core, the overarching theme?? ?(I get the impression of a situation in search of a plot.)

    fwiw

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