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When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid must graduate his senior year at a strict prep school, only to fall for the principal’s daughter.
You've done several iterations of the core premise. What is the story hook embedded in all of them? More specifically, what hooks your interest? Why do you want to write a script based upon this premise? Why *must* you write a script based upon this premise?
You’ve done several iterations of the core premise. What is the story hook embedded in all of them?
More specifically, what hooks your interest? Why do you want to write a script based upon this premise? Why *must* you write a script based upon this premise?
See less17 year old twin, Deighton Young needs to negotiate his last year of school while grieving for his recently drowned brother. Dropping out of school due to grief he is forced by his father to work for white collar criminal Harry Mackay, in doing so he uncovers unethical business practice leading back to resolving a multi-generational mystery surrounding the disappearance of Lani Drum 40 years earlier.
It seems a little too wordy. You could change it to something like: 17-year-old, Deighton Young drops out of school and forced to work for white-collar criminal Harry Mackay. He uncovers sketchy things related to the Lani Drum disappearance and the multi-generation mystery surrounding it. That's notRead more
It seems a little too wordy.
You could change it to something like:
17-year-old, Deighton Young drops out of school and forced to work for white-collar criminal Harry Mackay. He uncovers sketchy things related to the Lani Drum disappearance and the multi-generation mystery surrounding it.
That’s not the best, but it gets the point across quicker, more concise, and leaves the audience hooked.
See lessAs the end of school assembly approaches, six-year-old Michael elicits the help of his older sister to prove autism can’t stop potential.
How are they going to do that? A logline needs to give the reader a clear and concise summary of the plot up to either the midpoint or the beginning of the final act and set out a clear goal. It must be a visual goal, something we can see on screen, and you need to tell us, specifically, what that iRead more
How are they going to do that? A logline needs to give the reader a clear and concise summary of the plot up to either the midpoint or the beginning of the final act and set out a clear goal. It must be a visual goal, something we can see on screen, and you need to tell us, specifically, what that is.
We don’t need names in a logline. It adds nothing. What is very important here is that the reader understands that Michael has autism. Currently, there is nothing that states this. It is hinted at perhaps, but it’s never a good idea to let the reader assume something. Especially if it’s something as fundamental as your protagonist’s defining characteristic and the most important thing to understand about him.
We also need the inciting incident. What key event kicked this story in motion? Was it Michael’s isolation, or his sister’s discovery of it? Based on the information you’ve written below (NB/ never rely on this bit of additional text to tell us the story. If it’s that important, it should be in the logline) I would say it sounds more like the sister is the protagonist. She is possibly better placed to be the eyes the audience views the story through.
I really like the idea behind this, so I hope this helps.
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