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When a young high-school aged minority attends a nationwide diversity conference, he must learn to confront the racist incidents from his past in order to come to terms what life is like as a minority in this country and his own place in it.
Racial discrimination is a vexing social problem, but this logline seems to take a shotgun approach in attacking it. A logline for a movie plot should be a rifle, aiming one bullet (dramatic action) at a specific target, the bulls eye of one objective goal.? What one, specific action toward one specRead more
Racial discrimination is a vexing social problem, but this logline seems to take a shotgun approach in attacking it. A logline for a movie plot should be a rifle, aiming one bullet (dramatic action) at a specific target, the bulls eye of one objective goal.? What one, specific action toward one specific goal does the young man take to deal with one specific problem, here and NOW, in the PRESENT TENSE of the story world?
See lessAn arrogant tattoo artist sets off on a cross country journey to track his missing girlfriend only to unravel memories he is refusing to acknowledge.
For me - the profession is neither here nor there-- the issue is in the vagueness of the complication -- "...only to unravel memories he is refusing to acknowledge...". Without this being specified I don't really know what this is about (the core function of a logline...) other than a dude (and an aRead more
For me – the profession is neither here nor there– the issue is in the vagueness of the complication — “…only to unravel memories he is refusing to acknowledge…”. Without this being specified I don’t really know what this is about (the core function of a logline…) other than a dude (and an arrogant one at that…) trying to track down his (current?) girlfriend… which is kinda ‘blerrr’. Definitely has potential if you can give us more of what the complication is… or put another way — at the moment there is no “Why..?”
Best of luck with it 🙂
See lessWhen an all-work-no-play high school valedictorian who has gotten into an A-list college discovers her party-animal peers also got into A-list colleges, she resolves to cram four years of fun into one night.
Wdcurry:Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actuallyRead more
Wdcurry:
Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actually was.
Your version leads with what? I consider to be the most important element in a logline, the story hook.? And then it follows up with the inciting incident.? The first thing I try to identify is the inciting incident and that usually becomes the lead in the logline.? Out of habit and because that is the common practice.? And? because many times the story hook is embedded in the inciting incident (When a shark starts attacking vacationers at a beach resort…).
But in this case, the story hook is what the protagonist does in response to the inciting incident.?? And that is what I should have led off with.? You did — two thumbs up.
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