There are multiple logline versions in this thread, and they share some of the same problems, so I will focus on the original post.
I recommend reading the formula tab at the top of the page and reading through other members’ loglines and the feedback they receive to better understand logline format and elements.

Logline: “Just when she starts fitting in at her new high school, 17 year old Maddie?s werewolf father goes on another killing spree, and she has to keep the dark secret from her new school crush.” (35 words)

To start, “Just when she starts fitting in at her new high school” is unnecessary for a logline. Loglines should include minimal background details and should focus on the core of the story.

Protagonist: “17 year old Maddie” —> Loglines shouldn’t use the names of fictional characters unless they are from an established franchise. And describing a character’s age does very little to help with understanding the character.
To use “Taken” as an example: A retired CIA agent. —> This tells a logline reader that 1) he’s retired, 2)He was in the CIA, and to a general audience that means he’s acquired a “particular set of skills”.

Inciting incident: “werewolf father goes on another killing spree” —> This is an okay inciting incident, but the real problem seems to be with the goal.

Example(Taken): After his daughter is kidnapped. —> Boom, a clear event, which forces the protagonist into action.

Goal: “and she has to keep the dark secret from her new school crush” —> Why does this matter? Her father is killing people and she’s worried about someone finding out that he’s a werewolf? This also isn’t a clear objective to accomplish. It’s an indefinite goal which isn’t the type that works for a story. This also doesn’t seem to describe a causal relationship with the inciting incident. If her father’s been a werewolf for however long, why is that she just now starts to try to keep it a secret? In other words, the inciting incident doesn’t?force her to pursue her goal.

Example: he(Mills) must find and rescue his daughter. —> A clear goal formed?because of the inciting incident. With a definite endpoint, a clear objective, and is described visually.

Antagonist: I am unclear about who the antagonist would be from this logline. If her goal is to prevent someone from finding something out, then who is directly opposing her? Why would anyone care?

Example(Taken): the kidnappers.

I recommend considering these elements for a revision.

“After the death of her father, a timorous young woman struggles to put forth the effort to attend the college of her dreams due to her fathers wish for her to join the military while being threatened by the expiration date of her scholarship.” (44 words)

I agree with the assessments of Nir Shelter and mikepedley85 in that right now you’re only focusing on the internal aspects of the character. Many films feature characters with inner conflict, but what a logline should convey to the reader is the external(or at least visual – meaning you could certainly make a film take place inside a character’s head as long as it represented visually, like “Inside Out”(2015)) conflict.

Like Nir Shelter, I find??? I really want it to be about the consequences of her decision which is to go to college and the guilt she feels??. to be a problematic approach. But the problem I see with the logline is that doesn’t describe a clear goal, it also doesn’t offer an endpoint for the story.
In addition to what I’ve said before, the logline makes me say: “So what?”

“…struggles to put forth the effort…” Does not convey a visual action. Films, and by extension loglines, are about visual events and actions taking place. Not only that, why does her father’s wish matter? It’s her life. She’s the one who has to live it, she has to make decisions for herself. The film “Ladybird” (2017) deals with a similar matter. The main character has a certain dream school but her mother-the one paying for it-can’t afford it so she wants her daughter to go to a less expensive school. This differs because the main character is restricted by the financial situation, which gives her parents more input than if she were paying for her own schooling. In other words, this setups a situation for conflict.

I disagree with Nir Shelter that turning this into a novel would fix the issue. I think the real issue is that there isn’t an effective, compelling conflict created by the situation your logline describes.

I suggest thinking over your concept and coming up with a clear goal that creates conflict. Some things to think about for a revision:

Hook – what about this story will make someone want to read the script?
Inciting incident – How does this event affect the protagonist, and force them to commit to a goal?
Goal – What?must the protagonist accomplish? Use words that describe visual scenarios. (Example: Luke Skywalker must help the Rebellion destroy the Death Star)
Protagonist – what drives this character? How exactly does the inciting incident affect them and why?
Antagonist – Why does this character oppose the main character? What is their goal? (An exercise I use is to write a logline from the perspective my story’s antagonist).? I’ve included some video links which talk about character in film.

I recommend watching “Ladybird”, “Edge of Seventeen” and other coming-of-age films and examining them to see how they set up conflict, what that conflict is, and why it matters to the characters, and how the filmmakers make it matter to the audience.