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When children discover a catastrophic battlefield in every human brain where the devil imprisoned God for ages, Buddha teams up with each prophet to liberate God from an age-old hypocritical mindset to engender recession and a stress-free psychic existence.
This appears to be two separate events: 1. “When children discover a catastrophic battlefield in every human brain” 2. “Buddha teams up with each prophet” Who are these children - prophets? If so, I would state to link these two events. Example: “When the child prophets of Buddha discover a catastroRead more
This appears to be two separate events:
1. “When children discover a catastrophic battlefield in every human brain”
2. “Buddha teams up with each prophet”
Who are these children – prophets? If so, I would state to link these two events.
Example:
“When the child prophets of Buddha discover a catastrophic battlefield in every human brain, Buddha teams up to liberate God from an age-old hypocritical mindset to engender recession and a stress-free psychic existence”
Suggestion: “every human brain” sounds like a vast wasteland and hard to envision what this would look like on screen, maybe you can start by changing one influential person to bring this premise closer to home?
Also, I didn’t mention “devil imprisoned God for ages” to keep the reader from saying “why now” after all these ages? I wanted the impression of these children’s discovery as a “now” concept.
Take care.
See lessSix interwined stories about high school students dealing with bullies and high school cliques.
For a story that is a multi-stranded narrative, the logline must be framed around the theme of the story. What is the theme here?
For a story that is a multi-stranded narrative, the logline must be framed around the theme of the story. What is the theme here?
See lessAn artistic high schooler must choose between following her own dreams and attending med school with her teenage crush turned boyfriend while struggling to live up to her mother’s expectations.
Interesting premise, think about the following to strengthen your logline. What does “follow her dreams” look like? What drives her? E.g., the illuminating crafts of stained glass or becoming a contemporary artist in X. I dig your crossroads: - Heartstrings are being tugged by a longtime crush-turneRead more
Interesting premise, think about the following to strengthen your logline.
What does “follow her dreams” look like? What drives her? E.g., the illuminating crafts of stained glass or becoming a contemporary artist in X.
I dig your crossroads:
– Heartstrings are being tugged by a longtime crush-turned-boyfriend heading to med school.
– Mom wants a DR or another DR as medicine runs in the family.
All parents have expectations for their younglings, think about increasing the conflict by making this mother domineering or that she was “groomed” for med school.
Take care.
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