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A grieving mother’s reunion with her family turns into a terrifying escape when her father’s debt launches a police hunt and she must run for the crimes she has committed.
This sounds promising, but also unintentionally narrow. If I weren't to assume anything else about this story, I could tell it in about five pages: A woman is upset about something (that will be addressed later – carefully, to avoid blatant exposition), and turns to her family for comfort. Her fatheRead more
This sounds promising, but also unintentionally narrow. If I weren’t to assume anything else about this story, I could tell it in about five pages: A woman is upset about something (that will be addressed later – carefully, to avoid blatant exposition), and turns to her family for comfort. Her father’s financial and legal issues (coincidentally) collide with her own when the police come to issue a warrant, and recognize her as the person of interest in another case. Panicked, she resists arrest (could be a fun “fight” scene), and either flees, is captured and arrested, or tragically killed in the scuffle.
Is this the entire story, or just up to the inciting incident?
Whether a short or a feature, what is her ultimate goal, and how is she meant to achieve it?
I hope to read your next logline draft.
See lessA woman seeks vengeance against two men who made her life a living hell, her husband and a corrupt lawyer, but after she sets them up to kill on another, she struggles to prove her innocence when the police discover she had reason to kill them.
Hmm. This feels a bit long. Compelling but a bit too many words to get the point across. Could you start it with "When a *adj* woman orchestrates her husband and lawyer to kill each other, one cop connects the dots and she has to stay one step ahead of him."
Hmm. This feels a bit long. Compelling but a bit too many words to get the point across. Could you start it with “When a *adj* woman orchestrates her husband and lawyer to kill each other, one cop connects the dots and she has to stay one step ahead of him.”
See lessA disgraced ex-cop, offered the chance to regain custody of his son must partner with a soon to retire ex-prosecutor to catch a serial killer before he kills more children, digging for the truth they unearth a hidden layer of personal and professional secrets of those involved from within and outside the law.
I like this logline a lot but seems it has several plots and not sure which one is the main one. Let's try simplifying it. A disgraced ex-cop [CHARACTTER], offered the chance to regain custody of his son must [ACTION/GOAL] partner with a soon to retire ex-prosecutor [CHARACTTER] to catch a serial kiRead more
I like this logline a lot but seems it has several plots and not sure which one is the main one. Let’s try simplifying it.
A disgraced ex-cop [CHARACTTER], offered the chance to regain custody of his son must [ACTION/GOAL] partner with a soon to retire ex-prosecutor [CHARACTTER] to catch a serial killer before he kills more children [ACTION/GOAL], digging for the truth they unearth a hidden layer of personal and professional secrets of those involved from within and outside the law [ACTION/GOAL].
Maybe something like
“A strait-laced prosecutor has to partner up with the disgraced ex-cop who he got fired in order to save his kidnapped son from a serial killer.”
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