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A disgraced ex-cop, offered the chance to regain custody of his son must partner with a soon to retire ex-prosecutor to catch a serial killer before he kills more children, digging for the truth they unearth a hidden layer of personal and professional secrets of those involved from within and outside the law.
I like this logline a lot but seems it has several plots and not sure which one is the main one. Let's try simplifying it. A disgraced ex-cop [CHARACTTER], offered the chance to regain custody of his son must [ACTION/GOAL] partner with a soon to retire ex-prosecutor [CHARACTTER] to catch a serial kiRead more
I like this logline a lot but seems it has several plots and not sure which one is the main one. Let’s try simplifying it.
A disgraced ex-cop [CHARACTTER], offered the chance to regain custody of his son must [ACTION/GOAL] partner with a soon to retire ex-prosecutor [CHARACTTER] to catch a serial killer before he kills more children [ACTION/GOAL], digging for the truth they unearth a hidden layer of personal and professional secrets of those involved from within and outside the law [ACTION/GOAL].
Maybe something like
“A strait-laced prosecutor has to partner up with the disgraced ex-cop who he got fired in order to save his kidnapped son from a serial killer.”
See lessA small-town news anchor accidentally uncovers a deadly bombshell secret on live TV, forcing her to find the truth that will save the town.
Consider the following: What is the deadly bombshell she’s reporting on? This will shed light on her truth/hero’s journey to save her beloved town. The rule of “Show, don’t tell” applies here, as I cannot envision what your “secret” will look like on-screen. FYI: this gives me an Erin Brockovich vibRead more
Consider the following:
What is the deadly bombshell she’s reporting on? This will shed light on her truth/hero’s journey to save her beloved town. The rule of “Show, don’t tell” applies here, as I cannot envision what your “secret” will look like on-screen.
FYI: this gives me an Erin Brockovich vibe, I’m probably way off, but this will give you an idea of what a reader may deduce from your current logline.
Hope you find this constructive, keep going!
See lessCoerced into losing, a past his prime boxer desperate to redeem his past must regain his boxing license to compete in a final fight of his life for the last, most precious payday, custody of his kidnapped son.
"A past his prime boxer...(character) ....desperate for one last payday to find and win custody of his son ("Actionable Goal" but not sure why his payday is going to find or win his son back?), ....discovers he is the target of a con. (This doesn't feel like a major event) Suggested Example: "A pastRead more
“A past his prime boxer…(character)
….desperate for one last payday to find and win custody of his son (“Actionable Goal” but not sure why his payday is going to find or win his son back?),
….discovers he is the target of a con. (This doesn’t feel like a major event)
Suggested Example: “A past his prime boxer is coaxed into an underground “fight of his life” competition to win back a precious bounty, his son.”
See less