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A down on his luck drug dealer on the run from the law and the mob is embroiled as a piece in somebody else’s puzzle.
This logline has a ton of potential and already piqued my interest! We have the protagonist, "A down on his luck drug dealer" but it's not clear what is the action/goal is of the protagonist or what is the major event that establishes what this drug dealer's goal should be.
This logline has a ton of potential and already piqued my interest! We have the protagonist, “A down on his luck drug dealer” but it’s not clear what is the action/goal is of the protagonist or what is the major event that establishes what this drug dealer’s goal should be.
See lessStripped of his license a disgraced ER doctor running from his past reinvents himself in Japan only to be lured deep into a community with a violent secret where he must solve an unspeakable crime.
"Stripped of his license, a disgraced ER doctor reinvents himself in (Morrocco) where he is drawn deep into the criminal underworld." (With seemingly no way out) ------------------------------------------------------------ 1: I would be specific with the country, I just put Morrocco but it could beRead more
“Stripped of his license, a disgraced ER doctor reinvents himself in (Morrocco) where he is drawn deep into the criminal underworld.” (With seemingly no way out)
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1: I would be specific with the country, I just put Morrocco but it could be any country, Brazil, South Africa, Vietnam because specific is better than vague.
2: “Shocking consequences” doesn’t really tell us anything, I would leave it out or name the specific event, however, the event sounds like a plot twist, not an inciting incident so I just dropped it in my example.
Hope this helped
See lessWith the threat with three years in a Japanese prison looming a foreigner races to find the whereabouts of his two children taken from the apartment he shared with his wife.
This is intriguing, Maybe add detail about the inciting incident that resulted in a 3 year prison sentence.
This is intriguing, Maybe add detail about the inciting incident that resulted in a 3 year prison sentence.
See less