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When a young boy is taken away from his father, and starts to get raped by his mother, he must find a way to escape.
I see an event described but not an entire story. It reads like an opening line or a teaser, not a logline. Also I would drop "starts to get raped" and put in "gets raped" and drop "When" and start with "A " to tighten it up and make the action more immediate.
I see an event described but not an entire story. It reads like an opening line or a teaser, not a logline. Also I would drop “starts to get raped” and put in “gets raped” and drop “When” and start with “A ” to tighten it up and make the action more immediate.
See lessWhen a successful Realtor begins having nightmares of real-life crimes that are orchestrated by the mob he must find how to use this “gift” to save the victims and himself.
Just my thoughts: Though there is a hook, i am not clear of its power. For e.g. is the realtor sees the crime before it happens or afterwards. Why only 'mob'? It would be good to have all four components: 1. protagonist 2. hook 3. antagonist 4. solution
Just my thoughts: Though there is a hook, i am not clear of its power. For e.g. is the realtor sees the crime before it happens or afterwards. Why only ‘mob’? It would be good to have all four components:
See less1. protagonist 2. hook 3. antagonist 4. solution
After stealing money from what he believes is a small time gang, a former criminal (never caught) finds himself and his girlfriend being pursued by the men he stole from. With nowhere left to go, our protagonist is forced into working with the police to help track down what turns out to be a deadly criminal organization.
Why is he stealing money from a gang? What makes him better than the people he's stealing from and therefore makes us root for him? "A man" - that's all you have to say about the hero of your story!? This is the character on whom the weight of the entire plot rests; he has the burden of being the emRead more
Why is he stealing money from a gang? What makes him better than the people he’s stealing from and therefore makes us root for him?
“A man” – that’s all you have to say about the hero of your story!? This is the character on whom the weight of the entire plot rests; he has the burden of being the emotional core of the story, and the being who you are expecting an audience to follow to hell and back and will to succeed at every turn… and he’s just “a man”. Your hero deserves better!
What will happen if he’s caught? Why do we care?
See less