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  1. Posted: April 8, 2021In: Crime

    A young ex-offender wearing a GPS ankle monitor finds himself on the run from the criminal gang he betrayed and must make it home across the city before his 10pm curfew or risk being recalled to prison.

    Odie Samurai
    Added an answer on April 8, 2021 at 2:21 am

    Dig it! Maybe I need more coffee but when reading “ankle monitor” I immediately jumped to - house arrest. Which made me do a double-take to read he was on the run in the city. Leaning towards: “An ankle monitored nark has three hours make it home before his 10 o’clock curfew when discovered by the iRead more

    Dig it!
    Maybe I need more coffee but when reading “ankle monitor” I immediately jumped to – house arrest. Which made me do a double-take to read he was on the run in the city.

    Leaning towards:
    “An ankle monitored nark has three hours make it home before his 10 o’clock curfew when discovered by the inner-city gang he betrayed.”

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  2. Posted: December 21, 2020In: Crime

    When the leader of the Assassination Cartel’s grandson is killed during a raid authorized by the American President, the semi-retired leader invokes an ancient vengeance that will wipe out the president’s seed from the earth

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on December 21, 2020 at 7:57 pm

    It is always best to write the logline from the perspective of the lead character... When his grandson is killed during a raid authorized by the American President, the leader of the Assassination Cartel... (They tell us what his plan is)

    It is always best to write the logline from the perspective of the lead character…

    When his grandson is killed during a raid authorized by the American President, the leader of the Assassination Cartel… (They tell us what his plan is)

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  3. Posted: December 19, 2020In: Crime

    A detective fiction writer becomes convinced her lover’s death wasn’t a suicide and must prove his brilliant wife is a killer before becoming the next victim.

    sloanpeterson Logliner
    Added an answer on December 19, 2020 at 2:46 pm

    This is confusing because it sounds like the protagonist has two professions, a detective and a fiction writer. It took me a while to figure out you probably mean a writer of fiction in the detective genre. There must be a less confusing way to write that. I also think there might be a better descriRead more

    This is confusing because it sounds like the protagonist has two professions, a detective and a fiction writer. It took me a while to figure out you probably mean a writer of fiction in the detective genre. There must be a less confusing way to write that.
    I also think there might be a better descriptor for the wife than brilliant which to me sounds like talented.
    Other than that, I like it.

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