1. Posted: December 25, 2019In:

    (2nd revision) In order to name his rebellious son as heir to a dynasty that sells raided memories, an aging patriarch must fake a memory of succession inside him, before he fulfills a vow to expose his business.

    Trix Samurai

    I struggled to understand exactly what I'd be watching... the following immediately popped into my head: Why would he want a 'rebellious son' to inherit? What are 'raided' memories? - Stolen? Memories of a specific type/for a specific purpose? Why would he plant a fake memory inside himself rather tRead more

    I struggled to understand exactly what I’d be watching… the following immediately popped into my head:

    • Why would he want a ‘rebellious son’ to inherit?
    • What are ‘raided’ memories? – Stolen? Memories of a specific type/for a specific purpose?
    • Why would he plant a fake memory inside himself rather than look for a way to avoid exposing his business? (Or is the son threatening to expose the father?)

    Overall, Im confused.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: December 31, 2019In:

    A crisis manager gets recruited by the vigilante crew he idolizes to expose how the family business he is paid to protect sells memories.

    dpg Singularity

    Alas, the logline buries the lead, the hook.? One has to read all the way to the last words to discover the interesting part of the premise, that the business is selling memories.Further,? a reader can only take the words of a logline at face value -- he can't read the writer's mind, what he intendeRead more

    Alas, the logline buries the lead, the hook.? One has to read all the way to the last words to discover the interesting part of the premise, that the business is selling memories.

    Further,? a reader can only take the words of a logline at face value — he can’t read the writer’s mind, what he intended to say; he can only read the words on the screen.? And the words on the screen don’t tell us what the protagonist’s objective goal is.? The logline tells us that he’s recruited, but it doesn’t say he accepts the offer or how he intends to go about achieving what the vigilantes want from him.

    And that’s segues to another issue:? the vaguely defined goal is owned by the vigilante crew, not by the crisis manager.?? They’ve subcontracted their goal for him to fulfill. It is not sufficient that he admires them.? He must passionately WANT and NEED to undertake the job for personal reasons– he must have personal stakes.

    fwiw

    ?

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: December 30, 2019In:

    A crisis manager gets recruited by the vigilante crew he idolizes to investigate if the family business he is paid to protect sells memories.

    dpg Singularity

    Investigate whether someone sells memories?? Obviously the family business does, otherwise the idea wouldn't be in the logline.? And there wouldn't be a a story to tell.?And the story to tell in the logline and script is what becomes his objective goal AFTER the discovery about the true nature of thRead more

    Investigate whether someone sells memories?? Obviously the family business does, otherwise the idea wouldn’t be in the logline.? And there wouldn’t be a a story to tell.?

    And the story to tell in the logline and script is what becomes his objective goal AFTER the discovery about the true nature of the family business.?? What must he do now — what becomes his objective goal?

    See less
    • 0