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a sorrowing widower managed to kidnap a kid by giving away free ice cream after 10 years of his daughter?s death
lol This one made me laugh, I don't think that's your intention though. Just because the initial description of the man makes him sound like a nice, old-man, then you have that he gives kids ice cream for free all in order to steal one of them. I do like this aspect in your logline, except it needsRead more
lol This one made me laugh, I don’t think that’s your intention though. Just because the initial description of the man makes him sound like a nice, old-man, then you have that he gives kids ice cream for free all in order to steal one of them. I do like this aspect in your logline, except it needs to be made more sinister, to help make clear this is in the crime genre.
See lessAfter a mysterious attack in the inner city, resulting in weakened protective borders, A lonewolf member of the Clerics believed to be blessed by God with their abilities goes on a spree to find out who was involved to stop the attackers from invading the city.
I need more of an idea of place here. You mention the inner city, but the clerical reference sounds paranormal? Is it post-apocalyptic?
I need more of an idea of place here. You mention the inner city, but the clerical reference sounds paranormal? Is it post-apocalyptic?
See lessA reformed ex-con returns to NYC’s violent underworld to make fast money for his mother’s cancer treatment.
Hi Mike.Thanks for the reply. Some good points there.Yeah - in the original script, I had something quite similar to what you were saying with him being good, moral, righteous. I had my protagonist from a religious family and throughout I wanted to give him existential angst (not unlike a paul shraeRead more
Hi Mike.
Thanks for the reply. Some good points there.
Yeah – in the original script, I had something quite similar to what you were saying with him being good, moral, righteous. I had my protagonist from a religious family and throughout I wanted to give him existential angst (not unlike a paul shraeder film). I wanted him to be introspective, etc.?
Admittedly, I?ll either cut my losses with this one. Or perhaps rework it in several months (perhaps as a film). Regardless – the next draft will need major architectural work.
However, my experience reworking the logline (over and over and over again) has helped me write the current draft (which I reckon is better – he has a stronger goal, the structure and plotting is better, etc). Not only that but it looks more like a limited series than it did a month ago? so I?m very grateful to you guys for the feedback.?
Though it lacks a strong hook, the logline I’ve gone with is a lot more specific, unique and lean than the earliest.
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