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A reformed ex-con returns to NYC’s violent underworld to make fast money for his mother’s cancer treatment.
Hi Mike.Thanks for the reply. Some good points there.Yeah - in the original script, I had something quite similar to what you were saying with him being good, moral, righteous. I had my protagonist from a religious family and throughout I wanted to give him existential angst (not unlike a paul shraeRead more
Hi Mike.
Thanks for the reply. Some good points there.
Yeah – in the original script, I had something quite similar to what you were saying with him being good, moral, righteous. I had my protagonist from a religious family and throughout I wanted to give him existential angst (not unlike a paul shraeder film). I wanted him to be introspective, etc.?
Admittedly, I?ll either cut my losses with this one. Or perhaps rework it in several months (perhaps as a film). Regardless – the next draft will need major architectural work.
However, my experience reworking the logline (over and over and over again) has helped me write the current draft (which I reckon is better – he has a stronger goal, the structure and plotting is better, etc). Not only that but it looks more like a limited series than it did a month ago? so I?m very grateful to you guys for the feedback.?
Though it lacks a strong hook, the logline I’ve gone with is a lot more specific, unique and lean than the earliest.
See lessSeries logline:?Set across the NYC Blackout of ?77, a reformed ex-con temporarily returns to his old life of drug dealing to pay for his mother?s hospital bill, but soon learns the game has changed and the players, old and new, are more ruthless than before.
Hey kpetrakis01. I?ve been thinking about the ?but?. At one point ?Mystic River? was a big influence. I like the idea of one traumatic incident (in childhood) that echoes/ripples throughout your life and somewhat determines what you become as an adult. Despite his behaviour, my protagonist has a savRead more
Hey kpetrakis01. I?ve been thinking about the ?but?.
At one point ?Mystic River? was a big influence.
I like the idea of one traumatic incident (in childhood) that echoes/ripples throughout your life and somewhat determines what you become as an adult.
Despite his behaviour, my protagonist has a saviour complex.
The other subplots?
Bobby – battling addiction and PTSD in a post-Nam world. He is the kind of guy who owes everyone money then borrows more money. He?s a mess. The friendship was inspired by ?The Deer Hunter?.
M. Sue – a victim of childhood abuse who grows up to be promiscuous, tough and yearning for fame and success.??She falls into a bad crowd and Jack pulls no punches to pull her out.
I do like the ?has to make sure the bro/sis doesn?t go his way? angle. Similarly, I also like the idea of this guy (he?s portrayed as a black sheep/ wasted potential, etc.) sacrificing his soul to provide for his family, friends. Perhaps putting a good kid through school. Not unlike Robin Hood or perhaps more suitably Christopher Walken in ?King o New York?.
See lessAfter receiving a personality implant to find a nuclear weapon, the officer starts noticing malfunctions of a previous personality that makes it harder for him to complete his mission.
This is very confusing. What is a personality implant? How will a different personality help him find a nuke? Why does he need to find the bomb? Was it stolen? Does an enemy of the state have it? All this good stuff, needs to either come through or be insinuated by the logline.
This is very confusing.
What is a personality implant? How will a different personality help him find a nuke? Why does he need to find the bomb? Was it stolen? Does an enemy of the state have it?
All this good stuff, needs to either come through or be insinuated by the logline.
See less