1. Posted: March 24, 2019In:

    When a killer threatens the streets of Austin, a Texas Blues loving police detective with a photographic memory, and her charismatic, gay partner are forced to form an unlikely, and tempestuous alliance with former professional athlete both detectives suspect of murder.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>>included the partner in the logline.Okay.? That can make sense for a series.Have you thought about making her lesbian and him straight? I mean, if you're going to play the sexual orientation card...And does it need to be set in? liberal, glamorous Austin?? Could it be set in a city oRead more

    >>>>included the partner in the logline.

    Okay.? That can make sense for a series.

    Have you thought about making her lesbian and him straight? I mean, if you’re going to play the sexual orientation card…

    And does it need to be set in? liberal, glamorous Austin?? Could it be set in a city or large town in arid vastness of West Texas or the high plains of the Panhandle or the piney woods of East Texas — somewhere her (or his) sexual orientation would come into conflict with more conservative social values? Austin may have the glitz and glamour, but in my sojourns through the Lonely Star State I found more interesting people and situations outside the urban fleshpots of Austin, Houston? and Dallas-Ft Worth.

    Just a thought.

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  2. Posted: March 4, 2019In:

    After he discovers who killed his mother while in rehab, the son of a Mafia Don must keep his brothers from discovering his forbidden relationship with a cop as they hatch a revenge plot against the rival gangsters who killed their mother.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Agree.>> keep his brothers from discoveringI first read the logline thinking that the brothers are not involved and the protag and cop are the ones plotting! So it's all the sons in the plot, but the protag son has to keep a secret about the relationship? Does the protag also keep the plot a sRead more

    Agree.

    >> keep his brothers from discovering

    I first read the logline thinking that the brothers are not involved and the protag and cop are the ones plotting! So it’s all the sons in the plot, but the protag son has to keep a secret about the relationship? Does the protag also keep the plot a secret from her? Not exactly clear, seems she may be okay with it. It’s also not clear if the son or brothers are actually gangsters or adopting the family tradition in this instance.? If they are gangsters, why should we care about any of this? Specify how many brothers.

    >> as they hatch a revenge plot

    Paint more of the picture and make it active. How long is the hatching and what happens after? What is the specific plot, at least at first, and what is the difficulty in pulling it off?

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  3. Posted: March 2, 2019In:

    When a young black man from the inner city starts to work for a powerful businessman, he spirals into the ruthless world of organized crime and must not only find a way out, but also outsmart the FBI.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    >>? he must deliver a person of interest within a week. If not, his family is in danger.This is most or half the story, right? If yes, the logline needs it as it's the hook and the stakes. Then tell us the conflict in trying to deliver the person.>> When a young black man from the innerRead more

    >>? he must deliver a person of interest within a week. If not, his family is in danger.

    This is most or half the story, right? If yes, the logline needs it as it’s the hook and the stakes. Then tell us the conflict in trying to deliver the person.

    >> When a young black man from the inner city

    The character being black is not as significant as being from the inner city, unless it’s clarified that race is important to the story.

    >>starts to work for a powerful businessman, he spirals into the ruthless world of organized crime

    This can be smoother and shorter by saying the businessman is a crime boss or whatever.

    >> but also outsmart the FBI.

    This can likely be cut since it’s the secondary conflict and there’s not enough space to clarify it.

    My two cents.

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