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This is my logline for a short from spanish to english
Transport as in drive the body from the hospital or morgue to a funeral home? Or, transport as in an illegal activity of some sort?? If the former then I'm not sure what the story is - transport the body job done. If the latter, why would he agree to do the job? And why would the audience care aboutRead more
Transport as in drive the body from the hospital or morgue to a funeral home? Or, transport as in an illegal activity of some sort?? If the former then I’m not sure what the story is – transport the body job done. If the latter, why would he agree to do the job? And why would the audience care about a character who agreed to work for such horrible people?
Other than that, I would say the concept needs an event to compel the main character to need to take the job – other wise, it’s not clear why he MUST do what he does.
See lessA teen mom is almost old enough to leave home, but her gypsy family criminal ways will make her the victim instead.
Instead of what? Victim of what? Almost old enough is rather vague; why can't she leave now? How is "gypsy criminal" not racist? It sounds racist. And it isn't clear what the story is, or the conflict. Give us the basics, be specific, avoid commas.
Instead of what? Victim of what? Almost old enough is rather vague; why can’t she leave now? How is “gypsy criminal” not racist? It sounds racist. And it isn’t clear what the story is, or the conflict. Give us the basics, be specific, avoid commas.
See lessWith dreams to box at the 2000 Sydney Olympics and provide for his family, a young man is offered a more profitable career by a charismatic crime figure clashing with his values, beliefs and kind-hearted nature.
Richiev's version is a version of the "Rocky scenario".? Rocky? Balboa pursued his dream of boxing by night.? His day job was to collect money for a local loan shark mobster. Further, my understanding is that Caleb's intention is to develop a character arc? from relative innocence to morally corruptRead more
Richiev’s version is a version of the “Rocky scenario”.? Rocky? Balboa pursued his dream of boxing by night.? His day job was to collect money for a local loan shark mobster.
Further, my understanding is that Caleb’s intention is to develop a character arc? from relative innocence to morally corrupt, more akin to that of Michael Corleone in the “Godfather” saga, or
Walter White in the “Breaking Bad” series. or Malik El Djebina in “A Prophet”.
I am 10,000 miles removed from the setting of Caleb’s? story premise. What would pique my interest is a story that? takes me inside a criminal underworld far removed and far different from the ones routinely dramatized in the US of A.? From my distant vantage point that is the story hook.
fwiw
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