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After completing 15 years of prison term, falsely prosecuted an innocent taxi driver begins his deadly game of vengeance with the mob boss he considers responsible for his family’s murder. But on the course he discovers his daughter is still alive and in their captive.
When does he discover that his daughter's still alive? If it's pretty early in the story then consider making this the inciting incident. Richiev's version reduces the word count considerably and does a great job of summing your story up but is his goal to rescue his daughter or kill all the mobsterRead more
When does he discover that his daughter’s still alive? If it’s pretty early in the story then consider making this the inciting incident.
Richiev’s version reduces the word count considerably and does a great job of summing your story up but is his goal to rescue his daughter or kill all the mobsters? If the inciting incident is finding out his daughter is still alive then the goal is to rescue her. If that’s saved for a twist (Act II to III?) then consider not including the fact that his daughter is alive but simply allude to it.
If he’s in prison for 15 years for murdering his wife and daughter isn’t 15 years a pretty lenient sentence?
What’s going to make this story stand out from other similar stories? Where’s your hook? Think about Oldboy – the guy was imprisoned for 15 years and he has no idea who did it or for what reason so he sets out to simply find out the answers. It’s so simple yet immediately gets you interested.
Hope this helps.
See lessKing Rossi, a famous New York City criminal who has a great interest in football and World Cup, gives an order to a group of professional thieves to steal the Original Cup from the Fifa Museum.
As Richiev said, who is the protagonist? If it's King Rossi (don't need to include names in a logline - just a characteristic) then does he just sit back and wait for the thieves to deliver the cup? Where's his conflict? What's his story? Who/what are the antagonistic forces? Who is trying to stop tRead more
As Richiev said, who is the protagonist? If it’s King Rossi (don’t need to include names in a logline – just a characteristic) then does he just sit back and wait for the thieves to deliver the cup? Where’s his conflict? What’s his story?
Who/what are the antagonistic forces? Who is trying to stop the thieves? Police? Rival criminals?
Make the reader feel like this isn’t just an ordinary job. You need a hook.
See lessWhen the illegal distribution of Opioids claims the life of a high school athlete, a 3rd generation police officer leads an investigation and as the case breaks, the fallout hits close to home.
Why does it matter that he's 3rd generation?
Why does it matter that he’s 3rd generation?
See less