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When a bipolar girl mysteriously awakens next to the body of her mother in the woods with no recollection of what happened, a troubled detective must dig deep into the secrets of a small town and its paranormal history, to find out the truth and prove the girl?s innocence.
Agreed with all the above notes. I'll add that most good who dun it stories give the detective a personal stake in solving the crime. In this case, he or she is a detective and according to the current version of the logline, this is just another day on the job. What is it about this particular caseRead more
Agreed with all the above notes.
I’ll add that most good who dun it stories give the detective a personal stake in solving the crime. In this case, he or she is a detective and according to the current version of the logline, this is just another day on the job. What is it about this particular case that makes it more interesting than just any other case he or she had to solve?
See lessAfter murdering an immigrant, he convinces his psychiatrist to declare him insane so as not to be put on trial, but a detective will follow his steps to lock him up.
As the others have pointed out, best you focus on one main character and change the premise so it makes logical sense in the current legal system. Also, I suggest you check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar to learn more about logline basics.
As the others have pointed out, best you focus on one main character and change the premise so it makes logical sense in the current legal system.
Also, I suggest you check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar to learn more about logline basics.
See lessVersion 2 based on your reviews. Thank you
"...Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one?..." - Yes. As previously noted, there's no reason for the audience to care about your MC as he is psychotic (coerced or not, that's what he is) and the goal is very negative."...these are not heroic characters..." - This begs the questionRead more
“…Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one?…” – Yes. As previously noted, there’s no reason for the audience to care about your MC as he is psychotic (coerced or not, that’s what he is) and the goal is very negative.
“…these are not heroic characters…” – This begs the question, why should the audience want to follow these characters? And to that matter, why would any decision maker, in their right mind, want to finance the project?
You seem to be either misunderstanding or ignoring the definitions set out under the ‘Formula’ tab up top. You need an event to motivate the MC, that means that instead of having your MC “…develop(s) an obsession online…” you need him to be moved by something that happens in the world. For example, his family could be killed in a war-torn Middle Eastern country by British troops or something of the sorts.
Not sure how the “…a maniacal and violently motivated con-women…” fits into the logline, it’s his story, not hers – her description seems extraneous and unnecessary. Young people are being radicalised all over the world by men and women most of which are maniacal con-people in their own way – they con others to do their dirty deads. Remove her from the logline and the story doesn’t change, which means you need to remove her from the logline.
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