1. Posted: November 2, 2016In:

    When a former contender turned getaway driver finds love and tries to go legit, an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin who once derailed his boxing career threatens the mother of his unborn child to make him do one last job ? one that comes with the ultimate price.

    DavidI Logliner

    The logline above is the latest one, posted ?when I was trying to edit the previous one shown here below for comparison:?To save his family from an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin who once derailed his boxing career, a former contender turned getaway driver must do one last job ? even if it comes with theRead more

    The logline above is the latest one, posted ?when I was trying to edit the previous one shown here below for comparison:

    ?To save his family from an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin who once derailed his boxing career, a former contender turned getaway driver must do one last job ? even if it comes with the ultimate price.?

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  2. Posted: October 31, 2016In:

    ?A once-promising former boxer turns to highline crime to provide for his cancer-stricken mother. But when an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin threatens to kill her and the mother of his unborn child, he must find a way out while keeping his family safe.

    dpg Singularity

    What Richiev said. ? Loglines are only about the main "A" story moving forward from the inciting incident.I get it that you're trying to cast a character who makes a bad choice (dealing drugs) with the best of ?intentions (pay for his mom's medical expenses). ?He's not such a bad guy, just a flawedRead more

    What Richiev said. ? Loglines are only about the main “A” story moving forward from the inciting incident.

    I get it that you’re trying to cast a character who makes a bad choice (dealing drugs) with the best of ?intentions (pay for his mom’s medical expenses). ?He’s not such a bad guy, just a flawed one.

    ?But that’s all in the back story before the plot of the film begins. ?Which means it doesn’t belong in a logline because a logline is only concerned about the plot moving forward, not the backstory looking backwards.

    And now he’s trying to get out, go straight ?Why NOW? ? What does his wanting to quit have to do with the kingpin wanting him killed? ?What’s the causal connection? ?Is he trying to get because the kingpin wants him killed? Or is the kingpin out to kill him because he wants to get out of the business?

    ?Or is it something else that incites the kingpin to want to kill him? ?What’s the real inciting incident? ?For the purpose of a logline (and plot) whatever starts the fight to the finish with the kingpin — that’s the inciting incident. ?Everything else is backstory and prologue.

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  3. Posted: October 29, 2016In:

    A once-promising boxer turns to highline crime to save his cancer-stricken mother. But when an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin threatens the mother of his unborn child, he must confront the demons of his past – even if it means paying the ultimate price.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Richiev and DPG. Also, the structure of the logline should emulate the structure of the story. Currently, it starts with "...A once-promising boxer turns to highline crime...", but this happens well into the story, not at the very beginning of it. Point is, describe the events in the logRead more

    Agreed with Richiev and DPG.

    Also, the structure of the logline should emulate the structure of the story. Currently, it starts with “…A once-promising boxer turns to highline crime…”, but this happens well into the story, not at the very beginning of it. Point is, describe the events in the logline in the same order they play out in the story, i.e: After a kingpin threatens his wife, a once promising boxer must…

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