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  1. Posted: September 26, 2016In: Crime

    When an elder crime boss sits down with a younger crime boss, at a poker game, he must carefully find a way to avoid a gang war and keep everyone at the game calm.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 28, 2016 at 5:01 am

    Like Eethan, I can see the poker game as the setup for a plot. ?Either the protagonist maintains the peace or he doesn't. ?If he maintains the peace,?what's there left to fight about, what's the conflict driving the story? ?If he doesn't, what happens next? ?What becomes the dramatic action that driRead more

    Like Eethan, I can see the poker game as the setup for a plot. ?Either the protagonist maintains the peace or he doesn’t. ?If he maintains the peace,?what’s there left to fight about, what’s the conflict driving the story? ?If he doesn’t, what happens next? ?What becomes the dramatic action that drives the rest of the plot? ?What becomes his objective goal?

    Also, what particular ethnic group(s) constitute the competing gangs??

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  2. Posted: September 6, 2016In: Crime

    Obsessed with exposing the private shenanigans of public figures, a betrayed,poisoned and left-to-die anonymous newspaper columnist and voyeur,shrinks instead,witnesses a murder and must get to the police before he’s caught again.

    hihello8484 Logliner
    Added an answer on September 15, 2016 at 5:08 am

    Got that,Bro.

    Got that,Bro.

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  3. Posted: September 12, 2016In: Crime

    Released from jail after 24 years, obsessed with reclaiming his fortune, a man must play a deadly game, devised by his dead wife, that leads him through the nine circles of hell.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 12, 2016 at 11:35 am

    What Dkpough1 wrote. Also, by defining the character as "...obsessed with reclaiming his fortune?", you're describing the character's motivation without which the audience will not be able to make sense of his goal. Without this description as a qualifier, the goal seems unmotivated and therefore asRead more

    What Dkpough1 wrote.

    Also, by defining the character as “…obsessed with reclaiming his fortune?”, you’re describing the character’s motivation without which the audience will not be able to make sense of his goal. Without this description as a qualifier, the goal seems unmotivated and therefore as mentioned above lacking in cause and effect.

    In good stories the motivation, or the need, is clear without a didactic approach, for example: During a drought, a poor Somalian??mother must cross the buffer zone to fetch water for her children. Cliche aside, the stakes are high and her obstacle and goal are clear, there is no need to describe her motivation – it’s evident in the particular set of circumstances. The description of the main character is dedicated to positioning her in the correct situation for the story, not used to describe her motivation.

    My point is, can you come up with another plot point or event that makes him HAVE to get back his fortune? Otherwise is there a different goal you could give him, one that is related to heaven and hell? What if he needs to help a condemned love one?

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