1. Posted: November 4, 2019In:

    An ex-con, tries to move on with his life, but his life is turned upside down when he falls for the sister of a reformed paedophile.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I think every writer struggles to let go of an idea sometimes. It goes with the territory - nobody likes someone to criticise their child. Good luck with it! There's definitely a story in here though. I wonder if the relationship with the sister is the B-story or if that's the main story... if it'sRead more

    I think every writer struggles to let go of an idea sometimes. It goes with the territory – nobody likes someone to criticise their child.

    Good luck with it! There’s definitely a story in here though. I wonder if the relationship with the sister is the B-story or if that’s the main story… if it’s the B-story it shouldn’t be in the logline, but if it’s the main story it should. It’s a tricky one…

    I would consider giving the ex-con a personal motive rather than he just doesn’t like paedophiles. At the end of the day, you said the guy next door was a reformed paedophile and he’s an ex-con who is trying to go straight… they’re incredibly similar (which I think is great!). BUT people who are trying to stay straight (not to mention you didn’t say he was convicted for murder) don’t just plan to kill someone without motive. I think it’ll be hard to justify this act unless you have something that makes us truly despise the paedo next door. The problem is, at that point, the ending you have planned – the ex-con protecting the paedo – you will need to do a lot of work to get the audience back on the paedo’s side.

    Could you make the ex-con a former abuse victim? He despises the guy next door because of his history, but we discover (through the romantic relationship with the sister) that it wasn’t quite as black and white as that. That the paedo was 17 and his 15 year old girlfriend accused him of rape which led to him being on the sex offenders register? I don’t know… I’m just spitballing.

    To me, the bottom line is that we have to sympathise with the paedophile and I think it’s really important that something that makes us sympathise with him comes across in the logline. I actually wonder if the paedophile is the more interesting character here?

    Hope this collection of ramblings is useful in some way hahaha.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: November 1, 2019In:

    An ex-con, a victim of childhood sexual abuse, sets out to kill a reformed paedophile, only to fall for the man’s protective sister.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    There is an element of love story to it. It's a small drama.His macro intention: to move forward with his life. He wants change. He wants to be his best self.His obstacles: his past. His past demons. The paedophile next door. Getting involved with the paedophile's sister. The town. His friends and fRead more

    There is an element of love story to it. It’s a small drama.

    His macro intention: to move forward with his life. He wants change. He wants to be his best self.

    His obstacles: his past. His past demons. The paedophile next door. Getting involved with the paedophile’s sister. The town. His friends and family who constantly treat him like the violent man he use to be. Then add in – when he’s finally forced to pick a side. There’s a lot of conflict here.

    Also – his own fragile mindset is an obstacle. He is self sabotaging and he doesn’t want to self sabotage.

    The I.I. is learning there’s a reformed paedophile next door – which works as a trigger/disturbance. He can’t stop thinking about this man. The nightmares begin awake, etc. He sleeps with a gun under his pillow. Keeps the light on.

    He’s terrified of this man/hates this man – which is why his character arc is so potent when he becomes merciful. Somewhat compassionate.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: November 1, 2019In:

    An ex-con, out to kill a reformed paedophile, falls for the man?s protective sister.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Darkhorse:I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it's makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.That's my 2.5 cents worth.If you don't sRead more

    Darkhorse:

    I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it’s makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.

    That’s my 2.5 cents worth.

    If you don’t see it that way, well, it’s your story. Write the version you want to write.? I have nothing more to contribute other than to repeat that that the logline needs to clearly state the protagonist was the victim of sexual abuse.

    See less
    • 0