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A frustrated architect works on soulless industrial projects, with the dream of building his ideal building.
Hi, Rick! You’ve got a character flaw and some internal motivation which is great. But now you need an external conflict or opposition.
Hi, Rick! You’ve got a character flaw and some internal motivation which is great. But now you need an external conflict or opposition.
See lessWhen a young video store clerk receives a proposition to make a snuff movie from a mysterious man, he decides to convince his friend to kidnap a girl and make the movie.
It’s definitely got potential, but here is a more concise version that I think captures the essence in fewer words: After a video store clerk receives a mysterious proposition to make a snuff movie, he convinces his friend to kidnap a girl in order to make it... I put the ellipses at the end becauseRead more
It’s definitely got potential, but here is a more concise version that I think captures the essence in fewer words:
After a video store clerk receives a mysterious proposition to make a snuff movie, he convinces his friend to kidnap a girl in order to make it…
I put the ellipses at the end because I think something could be added that maybe focuses in on the moral dilemma or the stakes a bit more.
For example, you could say something like “After a young video store clerk receives a mysterious proposition to make a snuff movie, he convinces his friend to kidnap a girl in order to make it, but things take an unexpected turn when they realize she’s a serial killer.”
That’s not perfect either as you ideally want to aim for a logline that’s 30 words or less, but hopefully that will get you on the right track! 🙂
See lessWhen they discover the complications of moving in with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender must decide whether polyamory is for them, or risk losing both of their loves.
Dating in New York, eh? Logline is little long. You can get ride of "When they," right off the bat. Active voice -- "Discovering the complications of living with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender..." I understand the pronoun usage, but I am curious if it will be absorbed by someone rRead more
Dating in New York, eh? Logline is little long. You can get ride of “When they,” right off the bat. Active voice — “Discovering the complications of living with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender…” I understand the pronoun usage, but I am curious if it will be absorbed by someone reading it quick or be seen as a grammatical mistake. If you choose to tinker around, you can stil effectively write this without pronoun usage.
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