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On the day he vows to quit, a burned out psychiatrist breaks confidentiality and reveals the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients.
Hi, sabrown, Your logline portends an interesting story. However, reading your logline, the following questions were immediately raised: Why does the psychiatrist break confidentiality? and reveal the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients? To achieve what? Why does he want to quRead more
Hi, sabrown,
Your logline portends an interesting story. However, reading your logline, the following questions were immediately raised:
Why does the psychiatrist break confidentiality? and reveal the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients? To achieve what?
Why does he want to quit in the first place?
What is the relation between the psychiatrist quitting and his decision on revealing the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients?
What is he hoping/planning/aiming to achieve?
To me, the answer to the above questions should be included in your logline. Clear Context.
I suggest you include some more info and re-write. We will see after that.
I hope this helps.
See lessA con artist does one more scam before he retires exposes dark secrets in his family well after his father dies unexpectedly.
Hi IvyEight6, This is how I see it (using your own version of logline): After his father's unexpected death, a con artist decides to pull one last scam by exposing his family's dark secrets. However, there are confusing points you'll have to address. Questions: 1- How exposing his family's dark secrRead more
Hi IvyEight6,
This is how I see it (using your own version of logline):
After his father’s unexpected death, a con artist decides to pull one last scam by exposing his family’s dark secrets.
However, there are confusing points you’ll have to address.
Questions:
1- How exposing his family’s dark secrets is a scam?
2- Why does he have to do his scam after his father dies? What is the relation between his father’s death with his scam decision?
3- What is he achieving by exposing his family’s dark secrets?
4- Was/Is anything stopping him from doing so?
You need to address all the above questions. Read your logline from the reader’s POV.
Re-write and we will see again.
I hope this helps.
See lessA ruthlessly funny social media maven stoops to manipulating her boss’ friends and family online. But when she falls for his idealistic son, she must fight to buy back her soul.
I like the premise but I wonder what you mean by punching and buy back her soul.
I like the premise but I wonder what you mean by punching and buy back her soul.
See less