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Young Kenny becomes an orphan moves to live with her uncle in the village, faces harsh treatment. Her emotions- fear, anger and sadness conflicts on how best to navigate a new environment.
When (personality trait, like ambitious) Kenny becomes an orphan living under oppressive uncle in rural village, she takes on (education, some challenge) in order to escape and (goal - live free, independence, or threat - she will suffer if she will not achieve it)
When (personality trait, like ambitious) Kenny becomes an orphan living under oppressive uncle in rural village, she takes on (education, some challenge) in order to escape and (goal – live free, independence, or threat – she will suffer if she will not achieve it)
See lessWhen a middle-aged lady decides to become one of the ladies of the night to overcome hardships, she must do all she can to survive the additional struggles to reach an objective.
This is what I can glean: “A destitute woman must [show don’t tell GOAL] when caught in a vicious cycle of selling sex to survive” As a reader, I’m left asking: Who is she, what kind of prostitution is she involved in, what is her goal, and who is keeping her from accomplishing it? Hope you find thiRead more
This is what I can glean:
“A destitute woman must [show don’t tell GOAL] when caught in a vicious cycle of selling sex to survive”
As a reader, I’m left asking: Who is she, what kind of prostitution is she involved in, what is her goal, and who is keeping her from accomplishing it?
Hope you find this constructive, take care.
See lessA mousey, risk adverse,Japanese/American single mom, takes on the Tokyo mafia to rescue her long lost brother and restore her family’s art fortune.
An interesting premise for senior actors! Consider the following: When is your story set? In 2022, your protag is 65+ and her brother is 70+? You would think the brother would be a Yakuza Family Head or some senior member by now. Since this is the only family he’s known, I did a double-take on the rRead more
An interesting premise for senior actors!
Consider the following:
When is your story set? In 2022, your protag is 65+ and her brother is 70+?
You would think the brother would be a Yakuza Family Head or some senior member by now. Since this is the only family he’s known, I did a double-take on the rescue plot.
Which Major Event (Art/Brother) is her call to action? My vote is the art and to keep the brother discovery plot in the shadows until ACT II.
What is the connecting tissue between the Buddhist Monastery and the Yakuza?
Workshopping the structure:
When discovering [WWII secreted family art], retired Japanese American sets out to [Japanese Buddhist monastery] with a group of courageous seniors on a hail marry mission to reclaim her inheritance/fortune under the protection of the infamous Tokyo mafia/Yakuza gang”
The B story can be the brother e.g., brother turns from the dark side to help sis, Yakuza wants the spoils and them dead.
Hope you find this constructive, make this yours – keep going!
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