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  1. Posted: August 9, 2020In: Drama

    A social media influencer-environmentalist is forced to work with a disreputable concrete manufacturer, to bolster its “green” credibility, after she loses all her money in a card game to the manufacturer’s owner.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on August 9, 2020 at 8:04 am

    And then what happens? What's her goal? What sustains the 90min+ runtime? This is kinda just the inciting incident. Since this is a drama, I feel like her losing ALL her money in a card game is somewhat "because the plot demands it". If it were a comedy, you might (might) get away with it. This is jRead more

    And then what happens? What’s her goal? What sustains the 90min+ runtime? This is kinda just the inciting incident.

    Since this is a drama, I feel like her losing ALL her money in a card game is somewhat “because the plot demands it”. If it were a comedy, you might (might) get away with it. This is just my opinion though.

    I think a stronger protagonist would be one who wasn’t forced into something.

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  2. Posted: August 8, 2020In: Drama

    Three friends come together, who once had decided not to meet again. They get together to find their fourth friend.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on August 9, 2020 at 7:06 am

    This isn't really a logline, it's a situation. That being said, I think it's an interesting premise. Three friends, who were never planning on meeting again, coming together to find their missing friend. You need to be specific though. Is their 4th friend missing? Is that the inciting incident? We nRead more

    This isn’t really a logline, it’s a situation.

    That being said, I think it’s an interesting premise. Three friends, who were never planning on meeting again, coming together to find their missing friend. You need to be specific though. Is their 4th friend missing? Is that the inciting incident? We need to follow one of these three as the protagonist so write it from their perspective.

    We also need to understand why this is so difficult. What obstacles are standing in their way? Who’s trying to stop them? We need an antagonist, and we need stakes. What will happen if they don’t find him? Is he in danger?

    Surely the title is “And then they were three” since they’ve lost one?

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  3. Posted: August 7, 2020In: Drama

    After a family friend of her dies unexpectedly of cancer, a nanny’s life goes on a downward spiral struggles with alcoholism while raising a young girl whom she adopted.

    hobbes Logliner
    Added an answer on August 7, 2020 at 9:30 pm

    Did not understand the purpose of the nanny. Is the young girl daughter of family friend for whom the nanny wants to protect and bring up as a good citizen? Also did not understand the conflict .. does the adopted girl not like the nanny or are there any other external challenges? Mostly did not undRead more

    Did not understand the purpose of the nanny. Is the young girl daughter of family friend for whom the nanny wants to protect and bring up as a good citizen?
    Also did not understand the conflict .. does the adopted girl not like the nanny or are there any other external challenges?
    Mostly did not understand the connection between death of a family friend and the adopted young girl if there is any.

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