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Unable to cope with his unrequited love, a lonely Filipino seafarer becomes depressed and attempts suicide while at sea.
I've read your other loglines. You have not shown a complete story yet. In my interpretation, based on your other loglines, the "All is lost moment" (End of act 2) is when the protagonist confesses his love and is rejected. From there, the new goal, in the new act (Act 3) may be to commit suicide. TRead more
I’ve read your other loglines. You have not shown a complete story yet.
In my interpretation, based on your other loglines, the “All is lost moment” (End of act 2) is when the protagonist confesses his love and is rejected.
From there, the new goal, in the new act (Act 3) may be to commit suicide. That goal can only encompass 25 percent of the story. Act 2 is 50 percent of the story. What is his main goal in this act? A goal needs a visible finish line. (The three-act structure, four-act structure, and five-act structure all follow the same conventions.)
Sample fill in the dots story:
Event from the past instills the lie the character believes. (Backstory)
LIe that the character believes has made them oblivious to their true potential (Status quo)
Until one day something nudges the character into a new direction (Inciting indent)
The character moves into a “New World”, and has decided to chase after a specific visible goal with a definite finish line. With definite consequence for not achieving the goal: Stakes.
Optional: Until an event happens that recontextualizes everything they’ve seen and done. They either choose a similar but different goal or continue to move towards their original goal. (Midpoint Reversal)
A Major set back occurs and the character experiences the “All is lost moment”
Character recovers and moves towards the goal once more, but this time, it is life or death.
Final revelation occurs right before or after the climax, where they can finally let go of the lie that they believed.
(K. M. Weiland, Michael Hauge, John Truby)
This site uses the logline structure of Flawed Protag, Event, Action.
Flawed: the lie that they believe
Event: Inciting Indent
Action: Steps taken to accomplish the visible finish line
The trick is to clearly state the Event/Action. while also conveying the visible finish line, stakes, and if necessary the backstory.
(Someone who is not suffering from depression or another mental illness, would not want to kill themselves because they are rejected by someone they were never really with.)
Don’t let this post discourage you from writing your story. Brainstorm, then post a new logline.
See lessIn the aftermath of a school shooting, a victim’s non-athletic father who has given up on life finds meaning in coaching his dead son’s basketball team to the championships.
I get a sense of the story that will take place and can see where it's headed but I think the logline can be more succinct, especially when describing the father. Perhaps, changing the event to include a connection to the main character could help (e.g. After his son dies in a school shooting, an aiRead more
I get a sense of the story that will take place and can see where it’s headed but I think the logline can be more succinct, especially when describing the father. Perhaps, changing the event to include a connection to the main character could help (e.g. After his son dies in a school shooting, an aimless, non-athletic father finds meaning in coaching his son’s basketball team to the championships.)
It’s an interesting character struggle that father faces in this story. How close and involved was he with his son before he died? Why does he think coaching basketball is a way to memorialise his son and overcome his grief? Why is he allowed to coach the basketball team if he is not athletic? Not saying that you need to answer these questions in the logline but the answering them for yourself may help to pick more specific words to describe the character and story in a logline.
See lessA young black man accidentally travels to the past. He is decided to save his great-grandmother, a slave, with the help of her owner’s son
What are the obstacles and/or outcomes. Time travel is always tricky. Travelling back in time a young black man attempts to save his slave great grandmother but.... forcing him to .... That sort of thing. I do like the idea.
What are the obstacles and/or outcomes. Time travel is always tricky.
Travelling back in time a young black man attempts to save his slave great grandmother but…. forcing him to ….
That sort of thing. I do like the idea.
See less