1. Posted: July 3, 2020In:

    One lonely Filipino seafarer in a cruise ship finds comfort to his roommate who saves money for his wedding but he unexpectedly falls for him, and as they sail together his feelings grow deeper until he’s force to reveal it.

    savinh0 Samurai

    I can see a concept, but I can't see a logline with the needed elements. Discovering your own identity can be part of your characters dramatic need. But you want him to have some kind of visual goal as well in order to visualize the story. Preparing for a wedding is one point you make. What does thaRead more

    I can see a concept, but I can’t see a logline with the needed elements.
    Discovering your own identity can be part of your characters dramatic need. But you want him to have some kind of visual goal as well in order to visualize the story.
    Preparing for a wedding is one point you make. What does that mean? Too vague.
    The other point is attempting suicide. How does this reflect the direction of your story?

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  2. Posted: July 2, 2020In:

    In the aftermath of a school shooting, the perpetrator’s loner best friend becomes a romantically involved with a popular girl who was injured in the incident. Their relationship is put to the test when he is forced to testify at an inquest that he had foreknowledge of the tragedy.

    dpg Singularity

    It's an interesting dramatic problem. But the impact of his testimony extends far beyond his relationship with a popular girl. Also at risk is the relationship with his family. And he is in serious legal trouble, too. And it would seem that his romantic relationship pivots on how she reacts to his cRead more

    It’s an interesting dramatic problem. But the impact of his testimony extends far beyond his relationship with a popular girl. Also at risk is the relationship with his family. And he is in serious legal trouble, too.

    And it would seem that his romantic relationship pivots on how she reacts to his confession. He can’t dictate how he wants her to feel about him; he can’t make her love him. It’s her call, her decision as to whether to continue the relationship or break it off. In other words, she is in the driver’s seat of that plot thread.

    So if you want to write a script that focuses on their relationship more than other aspect than I suggest consider writing (and loglining) if from her point of view.

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  3. Posted: July 1, 2020In:

    The ice caps have melted. The air supply is poisoned. The human race teeters on the brink of survival. One woman strives to challenge the re-emerging patriarchy. When the situation arises, how will society choose to rebuild itself?

    Richiev Singularity

    You should put a face the patriarchy, one person who represents it. probably a leader of some sort. Also, you haven't told us what sets this story in motion. You give us a problem, Icecaps melted, and air supply poisoned... then tell us the dramatic problem is the patriarchy. If the patriarchy is thRead more

    You should put a face the patriarchy, one person who represents it. probably a leader of some sort.

    Also, you haven’t told us what sets this story in motion. You give us a problem, Icecaps melted, and air supply poisoned… then tell us the dramatic problem is the patriarchy.

    If the patriarchy is the dramatic problem the story should begin with what event causes that problem when it specifically comes to the patriarchy.

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