1. Posted: March 30, 2020In:

    A forsaken young man struggles to overcome the anguish of childhood abduction, abuse, and a changed identity to become a college basketball All-American.

    Guy Man Logliner

    The character needs to be more specific. What?s the exact backstory here? Did he get abducted from his real family and is being raised by his abusers who forcibly changed his religion? If so, then you should open with that instead of putting it in the middle where the plot should be. And what?s theRead more

    The character needs to be more specific. What?s the exact backstory here? Did he get abducted from his real family and is being raised by his abusers who forcibly changed his religion? If so, then you should open with that instead of putting it in the middle where the plot should be.

    And what?s the character?s weakness? Is he a choker who loses his nerves during a game or does he have rage issues because of which he can?t play in a team? Or is he bad at handling failure because it reminds him of how worthless he is and somehow deserves the abuse that he has always received? Is there a religious angle that conflicts with his basketball player identity? Specificity of weakness should help you come up with an appropriate action that he needs to perform in order to get selected by a scout or whatever the ultimate goal is.

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  2. Posted: March 20, 2020In:

    When a high priced gigolo moonlights as a pornstar, his sexual depravities reach extreme heights, and he is forced to decide how much of his soul he will sell for money, fame and the love that will never fulfil him.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hi Richiev,Yeah - certainly, the logline is missing an I.I.Then something happens that makes him question his life choices.What story event makes the lead character look inward?I'm not entirely sure how sordid the sexual depravities gets. This is why I wasn't sure what is darker - the internet (beinRead more

    Hi Richiev,

    Yeah – certainly, the logline is missing an I.I.

    Then something happens that makes him question his life choices.

    What story event makes the lead character look inward?

    I’m not entirely sure how sordid the sexual depravities gets. This is why I wasn’t sure what is darker – the internet (being a pornstar) or being a gigolo (people are strange).

    Gigolo to pornstar (He goes from nobody… to somebody. he’s just a whore for the public. He’s doing things for the public. Things he doesn’t quite agree with. But he feels loved and he doesn’t want that feeling to go away.)

    Pornstar to gigolo. (He goes from macho/loved by many to doing dirty disgusting things with strangers. He thought the internet was a dark place – but the real world is far worse.)

    IMO – the internet is probably a far darker and sordid place ha.

    There’s certainly something universal here. A message about the Internet age/instant gratification/Facebook. I haven’t quite figured it out yet.

    Perhaps the solution is to have another character going in the reverse direction. A woman – a ying to his yang. We’ll see. Perhaps they fall in love. The love they’re both desperately searching for was right in front of them.

    Very very dark story – with a hopeful last minute.?

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  3. Posted: March 27, 2020In:

    A basketball star must battle his vengeful mother’s attempt to sabotage his championship hopes when a posthumous letter from his long-lost dad reveals the young man was abducted and raised under a false identity.

    Best Answer
    carllord Logliner

    Thank you yqwertz. I think I'm through actually posting anymore versions for a while. I did come up with another version (see below), which might be more effective? Logline: After a college basketball star plays on national television, his championship hopes are jeopardized after a family relative dRead more

    Thank you yqwertz. I think I’m through actually posting anymore versions for a while. I did come up with another version (see below), which might be more effective?

    Logline:

    After a college basketball star plays on national television, his championship hopes are jeopardized after a family relative delivers proof the young man had been abducted and given a new identity by his felonious mother.

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