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  1. Posted: March 25, 2020In: Drama

    Facing hard time for an unpaid debt, an unorthodox street busker races to find the most spectacular way to bring his piano music to the attention of Europe?s most famous manager before it?s too late ? inspired by a true event.

    thunderdale Logliner
    Added an answer on March 26, 2020 at 1:03 pm

    This clearly won't be a high concept film, it sounds more in the indie format. But the concept itself seems very unappealing. What about this street busker makes him good enough to think he has what it takes to present his music to a famous music manager? Is the busker an undiscovered savant in musiRead more

    This clearly won’t be a high concept film, it sounds more in the indie format. But the concept itself seems very unappealing. What about this street busker makes him good enough to think he has what it takes to present his music to a famous music manager? Is the busker an undiscovered savant in music or something? And what exactly do you mean by before it’s too late? Is the famous music manager planning on going back to Europe soon or is the street busker on the verge of death? Structuring your Logline to answer those questions will make the concept of your movie much more appealing in my opinion.

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  2. Posted: March 24, 2020In: Drama

    A college basketball star jeopardizes his championship hopes as he struggles to rescue his drug-addicted mother while searching for his biological dad.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on March 25, 2020 at 2:36 am

    I have seen quite a few versions of this logline and I was thinking of how to make it work. As written, your lead has three goals, this is why the logline is having a little trouble. (1: Save his mother from drugs) (2: Find his father) (3: Win a national championship) but at the same time, your storRead more

    I have seen quite a few versions of this logline and I was thinking of how to make it work.

    As written, your lead has three goals, this is why the logline is having a little trouble.

    (1: Save his mother from drugs)

    (2: Find his father)

    (3: Win a national championship)

    but at the same time, your story needs those three goals. That is what the story is about.

    As a result, I think you should turn one of those ‘goals’ into the inciting incident.

    —–

    1: His mother’s overdose causes her to confess to the lead that his father is still alive. (Inciting incident)

    2: This sets the story into motions: The lead characters search for his father. (Goal)

    3: His search might endanger his chances of winning a national championship. (Stakes)

    —–

    Possible twist: Maybe his father is someone he knows, maybe a fan of his basketball team.

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  3. Posted: March 22, 2020In: Drama

    1960 (USA) Two criminals parked roadside, one black, one white, they wait for money to be picked up, but a battle of wits breaks out resulting in one being shot and the money disappearing.

    Trix Samurai
    Added an answer on March 24, 2020 at 7:28 pm

    I like the premise of your story - I also think your argument/theme posed about justified 'badness' and maybe levels of badness (I'm a thief but at least I'm not a murderer, I'm a murderer but at least I'm not a paedophile etc.) is a great way to generate debate and engage the audience. I can totallRead more

    I like the premise of your story – I also think your argument/theme posed about justified ‘badness’ and maybe levels of badness (I’m a thief but at least I’m not a murderer, I’m a murderer but at least I’m not a paedophile etc.) is a great way to generate debate and engage the audience.

    I can totally see this playing out in some remote place, maybe with a derelict gas station in the background… something really raw and almost claustrophobic about it (the way Phone Booth did).

    However, as yqwertz pointed out, your logline reads as a summary of a part of your script rather than as the central conflict of the entire thing. ?And, whilst we don’t have to ‘care’ about them personally, in this kind of story it may be advantageous to include some emotional hook to stop people dismissing it too easily.

    Regards
    Trix

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