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A basketball star jeopardizes his championship hopes as he struggles with his drug-addicted mother and searches for his biological father.
Thank you, Ty! Simple, but clear. I should try to remember that as I write loglines for my other screenplays. Lol!
Thank you, Ty! Simple, but clear. I should try to remember that as I write loglines for my other screenplays. Lol!
See lessFaith and basketball inspire an abandoned boy to set three improbable goals both on and off the hardwood with surprising results.
Hi Carllord - INTENTION: three improbable goals -- but why? what are the goals? OBSTACLE: they are improbable goals. We need something stronger here. This is a quick shot at it using the original logline: After a near-death experience, a boy with dreams of basketball stardom, sets out to accomplishRead more
Hi Carllord –
INTENTION: three improbable goals — but why? what are the goals?
OBSTACLE: they are improbable goals. We need something stronger here.
This is a quick shot at it using the original logline:
After a near-death experience, a boy with dreams of basketball stardom, sets out to accomplish three impossible goals.
Hmm – we’re basically missing a really strong obstacle standing in his way.
And an inciting incident (I used a near-death experience to inspire his faith.)
We really need to know the goals.
Admittedly, we probably don’t need “a boy with dreams of basketball stardom”. Aspiring basketball player would probably suffice.
DPG is right. We don’t need “with surprising results”. The reader will fill it in.
See lessA 19-year-old must bomb an LGBT community centre to re-enter her familial cult and free the secretly gay younger sister she failed to escape with one year earlier.
Hmm - reading your ideas... My only one myself - and feel free to reject this and spit on it... I'd introduce the LGBT community centre as a mixed bag. But they're mostly good. Angelic. And the protagonist, we meet trying to figure out a way to get her sister back. And she's desperate and dirty andRead more
Hmm – reading your ideas…
My only one myself – and feel free to reject this and spit on it…
I’d introduce the LGBT community centre as a mixed bag. But they’re mostly good. Angelic.
And the protagonist, we meet trying to figure out a way to get her sister back. And she’s desperate and dirty and flawed. (Admittedly, my big worry with this is if anyone would follow a character who is desperately trying to bomb a LGBT centre which is why you’d probably have to explain straight away and make sure there’s a huge dose of empathy.)
Hmm – you could even start it off with her moments away from planting a bomb and we go back in time to explain why…
Anyways, by the midpoint, we learn why protagonist desperately wants to get sister back, and we learn she was also there (I can’t help but feel this discovery should come later on). It feels like a twist.
By MP, we should learn there’s some bad apples in the LBGT cult. Like DPG said in his post. Make sure they can put up an argument for why they’re doing what they’re doing.
You’d have some real conflict – if they actually had solid reasons for keeping the sister there.
Perhaps the older sister has history of violence? Or escaped a mental institute or something. (These are pretty awful ideas, but, whatever gets the ball rolling.)
I’m gonna quote Aaron Sorkin about that conflict thing…
“Conflict isn?t just knuckle-boxing. Conflict can be a war of IDEAS. And you want the competing ideas to be equally strong.”
I got that quote from here…
See less