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After his father’s passing, a boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.
Maybe something like this? A grieving boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life. I hope this helps.
Maybe something like this?
A grieving boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.
I hope this helps.
See lessIn a semi-medieval city, an abused blind orphan boy with magical powers must stop a megalomeniac businessman before he obliterates his kingdom and his people.
Hi Benneth, I can see that you've tried out a few different ways of wording this idea. I think fantasy adventures are always fun and this seems like it may be a hybrid of sorts, but it needs some clarification. I'm not sure what a semi-medieval city is. It's hard for me to imagine and I get hung upRead more
Hi Benneth,
I can see that you’ve tried out a few different ways of wording this idea. I think fantasy adventures are always fun and this seems like it may be a hybrid of sorts, but it needs some clarification.
I’m not sure what a semi-medieval city is. It’s hard for me to imagine and I get hung up on trying to figure out what that is, instead of being engaged by the potential of the story.
Are we in some alternate universe where such a thing could exist? Or is there another explanation? it needs to be communicated in a succinct way within the log-line.
Also, I’m not sure how a business man exists in such a world. In a medieval setting he’d be a merchant or powerful land owner, the term businessman seems too modern for the setting your describing.
I’d centralize your hero a bit more in the logline, clarify the setting, and also add a detail about the danger: Why does your megalomanic business man want to destroy the kingdom?
See lessWhen an abused blind orphaned boy discovers his magical powers, he struggles to stop a megalomeniac businessman with intent to obliterate his kingdom and his people.
I am not really a fan of the word 'struggles' in a logline ---- "A blind orphan must use his newfound magic powers to stop a megalomaniac from obliterating his kingdom." ---- By the way, is there a reason why a businessman would want to obliterate a kingdom? A businessman by nature would need peopleRead more
I am not really a fan of the word ‘struggles’ in a logline
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“A blind orphan must use his newfound magic powers to stop a megalomaniac from obliterating his kingdom.”
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By the way, is there a reason why a businessman would want to obliterate a kingdom? A businessman by nature would need people to buy his products. If everyone is dead there is no one to do business with.
In other words, a businessman would want a healthy kingdom not a destroyed kingdom.
That doesn’t mean you villain wouldn’t act that way, but a couple of words in the logline explaining why destroying the kingdom would be in the businessman’s best self-interest would help the logline.
Anyway sounds like an interesting concept, good luck with this.
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