1. Posted: September 7, 2021In:

    When a self-absorbed race car is arrested for literally tearing up the road going through a small, deserted town, he must restore the road in order to be released in time for the most important race of his life.

    [Deleted User]

    I didn't get that this was an animation from the logline and assumed the car tearing up the road was a typo. So I'll give my take on the the logline and hopefully you can work from there backwards. A self-absorbed race car driver crashes his car in a small town and is sentenced to work for several dRead more

    I didn’t get that this was an animation from the logline and assumed the car tearing up the road was a typo.

    So I’ll give my take on the the logline and hopefully you can work from there backwards.

    A self-absorbed race car driver crashes his car in a small town and is sentenced to work for several days repairing the damage.

    This was done in Doc Hollywood (starring Michael J. Fox) and the above logline was a bastardization of that logline.

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  2. Posted: September 15, 2021In:

    When a reserved, yet passionate ostrich gets an opportunity to work with a renowned racing trainer, he decides to push himself to the max to win a contest against the most revered racer in the town’s history.

    beezeebee Penpusher

    Hi grbrinkley. While I can see the struggle for a reserved ostrich to win a race competition, I'm not sure I would agree this trait creates the most conflict for he goal he's trying to achieve. As an extreme example, "clumsy" or "untalented" would be an adjective that would create much more conflictRead more

    Hi grbrinkley.
    While I can see the struggle for a reserved ostrich to win a race competition, I’m not sure I would agree this trait creates the most conflict for he goal he’s trying to achieve. As an extreme example, “clumsy” or “untalented” would be an adjective that would create much more conflict for the story, while passionate seems somewhat redundant, as we assume that’s the reason the ostrich I swilling to embark on this journey in the first place.
    Another point would be the stakes, or in other words, the tangible consequences of the ostrich failing to win the tournament? Why would that event be devastating to our ostrich? Does he need money to save his sick mother? Did he fail throughout his life at whatever he touched and will give up entirely after this? I hope you see what I mean.
    Last point would be that you’re missing an antagonist. In the genre you’ve picked, that would usually be a rival that is usually also the favourite to win and our ostrich is the underdog. People love to root for the underdog. Maybe it’s personal as well. The rival is someone who used to bully the ostrich, a mean cousin, an ex-girlfriend…something that will increase the conflict and stakes even further.
    Also, why would a renowned racing trainer even look at our ostrich?
    A finished logline in that arena would look maybe something like this:
    “An untalented ostrich must beat his ex – a legendary racer he’s still in love with – in a racing competition only with the help of a rundown coach, if he wants to earn the money to save his sick mother.” That would be a way to infuse the concept with much more conflict. Hope that helps.

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  3. Posted: September 7, 2021In:

    After a lot of fairytale characters take over his swamp, the xenophobic ogre must save the princess to get his swamp back.

    Richiev Singularity

    Shrek Solid attempt, however, you might want to avoid using the term 'a lot' I would say drop 'a lot' altogether or use a more interesting word, like Gaggle. "After fairytale creatures overrun his swamp, a reclusive ogre must save a princess to get his swamp back." "After a gaggle of fairytale creatRead more

    Shrek

    Solid attempt, however, you might want to avoid using the term ‘a lot’
    I would say drop ‘a lot’ altogether or use a more interesting word, like Gaggle.

    “After fairytale creatures overrun his swamp, a reclusive ogre must save a princess to get his swamp back.”

    “After a gaggle of fairytale creatures overrun his swamp, a reclusive ogre must save a princess to get his swamp back.”

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