Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
In the year 3000 from the hell-break a homeless ex-soldier is dragged unwittingly in ancient war, when is hired by group of strange creatures in search for their homeland. With the help of an ancient artefact he fights recently awaken powerful enemy in bid to deliver his clients to safety and restore the age of prosperity.
It sounds exciting, but I am a little lost. First you need to correct the grammar a bit .... "in the year 300o from the hell-break" ... why "from" .. what is the hell-break? If this is a new concept you are introducing maybe you could put "150 years on from The Hell-Break" ... but I am still not conRead more
It sounds exciting, but I am a little lost.
First you need to correct the grammar a bit …. “in the year 300o from the hell-break” … why “from” .. what is the hell-break? If this is a new concept you are introducing maybe you could put
“150 years on from The Hell-Break” … but I am still not convinced. Sounds like a sequel and I am worried I have missed something…..
“dragged unwittingly inTO an ancient war” …
“when is hired” is not good English.
“recently awaken powerful enemy” also is not good English….
Just to correct what you have put … before we can look at if the logline works:
See lessIn the year 3000, after the Hell-Break, a homeless ex-soldier is dragged unwittingly into an ancient war by a group of strange creatures in search for their homeland. With the help of an ancient artefact he fights a recently awakened powerful enemy in a bid to deliver his clients to safety and restore the age of prosperity.
After losing his military post and falling into a terrifying curse, an ex-soldier travels to the place where he will find his deliverance and the way to the lost city of Elyon, which will save the people of the world of Dunya.
1. Since Elyon and Dunya are unfamiliar fantasy realms – a world setup may help e.g. In a world ruled by… 2. Appears the curse is your inciting incident; it may help to state what kind of curse this vet needs to break. 3. You need a baddie, someone/thing preventing him from achieving the goal. 4. OnRead more
1. Since Elyon and Dunya are unfamiliar fantasy realms – a world setup may help e.g. In a world ruled by…
2. Appears the curse is your inciting incident; it may help to state what kind of curse this vet needs to break.
3. You need a baddie, someone/thing preventing him from achieving the goal.
4. Once he achieves deliverance, why HIM to save the world?
Example of what I can see:
“A cursed veteran sets out on a journey to a mystical lost city for deliverance, but…”
Keep going, take care.
See lessThis story puts us in the shoes of Lena, a young mixed race, who dreams of becoming the best sorceress in the kingdom. However, there is a problem, the mestizos are not well received. Luckily, Lena does not give up easily and will do everything possible to achieve her dream.
Sounds interesting! Added “cabal” as her group to be prejudice against or kept as mixed-race, also gave her a goal once she achieves her dreams – make this yours. Example: "An aspiring sorceress must overcome cabal prejudices in order to gain the skills to save her kingdom" OR "An aspiring mixed-racRead more
Sounds interesting!
Added “cabal” as her group to be prejudice against or kept as mixed-race, also gave her a goal once she achieves her dreams – make this yours.
Example:
“An aspiring sorceress must overcome cabal prejudices in order to gain the skills to save her kingdom”
OR
“An aspiring mixed-race sorceress must overcome prejudices in order to gain the skills to save her kingdom”
Keep going, take care.
See less