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A jock, a hopeless romantic, and a cynic discover they each have supernatural powers beyond their imagination – and that they all love the same girl.
But does she love any one of them? Ultimately, isn't it her choice as to who she permanently hooks up with? Whoever has to make the pivotal decision that determines the outcome owns the story, hence should own the logline. So I suggest reframing the logline around her as the central/pivotal characteRead more
But does she love any one of them? Ultimately, isn’t it her choice as to who she permanently hooks up with?
Whoever has to make the pivotal decision that determines the outcome owns the story, hence should own the logline. So I suggest reframing the logline around her as the central/pivotal character. She faces a dilemma of having to choose between 3 equally cool, equally desirable fab-boys? Which one will *she* finally choose. No one boy has the total package.
Also, it’s stronger if the logline says that the boys have *unique* superpowers. Characters need defining characteristics that differentiate. (However, because in loglines it’s about less being more, there’s no space to specify what they are. That will have to be spelled out in the pitch, developed in the script.)
And since they have super powers, what is their super job? When they aren’t fighting against each other over her, what are they fighting for in unison? All super dudes have to have a super job, a super heroic quest/struggle they have to fulfill? It’s in the job description.
fwiw
See lessUn hombre encapuchado libera de su encarcelamiento a un joven ciega por error. Esa noche descubre que es la sobrina del rey, y la Ășnica superviviente de los Levende. Al mirarla fijamente ve el potencial y decide entranarla para acabar con el rey de Flertall.
"A hooded man frees a blind young man from imprisonment by mistake. That night he discovers that she is the king's niece, and the sole survivor of the Levende. Staring at her, he sees the potential and decides to train her to kill the King of Flertall." I dig it, but struggle with your protagonist,Read more
“A hooded man frees a blind young man from imprisonment by mistake. That night he discovers that she is the king’s niece, and the sole survivor of the Levende. Staring at her, he sees the potential and decides to train her to kill the King of Flertall.”
I dig it, but struggle with your protagonist, is it the warrior or the niece?
See lessAn exiled emperor joins a resistance group to find and restore the throne’s rightful heir – his long-lost son – from his tyrannical brother.
Most of the story points are here, I don't believe the logline needs any significant changes. From a story standpoint: I do wonder why the Emperor is not trying to get his throne back for himself? Instead, the lead is attempting to secure the throne for his "Long-lost son" Normally people in power dRead more
Most of the story points are here, I don’t believe the logline needs any significant changes.
From a story standpoint:
I do wonder why the Emperor is not trying to get his throne back for himself? Instead, the lead is attempting to secure the throne for his “Long-lost son”
Normally people in power do not want to give up power. Wouldn’t the exiled emperor be the rightful ruler? Why secure the throne for a person he seems to not even know?
See less