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In a time of great tension between fantastical creature and men, a werewolf warrior, trying to follow in his ancestors’ footsteps, reluctantly teams up with a human princess to track down the mysterious knight who slaughtered the warrior’s village when he was a child.
As Richiev asked.? Why now?? What's the inciting incident that triggers his intention to get revenge now? And what skin does the princess have in the game?? Why would she want to partner up with an alien species, a werewolf?? What's in it for her? Seems to me she would be even more reluctant to partRead more
As Richiev asked.? Why now?? What’s the inciting incident that triggers his intention to get revenge now?
And what skin does the princess have in the game?? Why would she want to partner up with an alien species, a werewolf?? What’s in it for her? Seems to me she would be even more reluctant to partner up with him than he with her.
See lessWhen the land is threatened by the curses of emerging night creators, a selfish rogue and his two friends forced to go on a quest to find the girl from prophecy, to save the land.
Thanks for joining Logline It, Yara! Now for the hard truths... First of all, fantasy is a hard sell unless it is based on an underlying bestselling novel. That said, it is commendable to come up with original stories, whatever genre they are in. About the logline itself: It is important that we undRead more
Thanks for joining Logline It, Yara!
Now for the hard truths…
First of all, fantasy is a hard sell unless it is based on an underlying bestselling novel. That said, it is commendable to come up with original stories, whatever genre they are in.
About the logline itself:
It is important that we understand what the elements of the logline mean. To me “the curses of emerging night creators” doesn’t mean much. Be specific.
I’m not a fan of “forced to”.
(You probably mean “are forced to”. Make sure you don’t leave grammatical errors in a logline. It is so short that if people find errors here, they will be reluctant to read longer documents written by you, expecting more of the same)
We use the verb “must” on Logline It, which sounds less like an external force.
“to find the girl from prophecy”: Another missing word. Should be “from the prophecy”
This is vague again, because we don’t know who is the girl or what is the prophecy.
Please put an updated and improved version of the logline here in the comments, and then we can look at it again.
Happy loglining!
See lessIn a cold country ruled by a hard-hearted king, three close rogues commit to a secret quest to find the girl from the prophecy so she could fulfill her destiny as the second Follower and help put an end to the dread of the emerging NightSouls.
Concur with mikepedley85 about the problem of using terms for a fantasy world that right now exists only in your mind."Second Follower" -- what is that supposed to mean? I have no idea what the dramatic significance? of such a character.? "NightSouls" -- who are they? and what makes them so bad theyRead more
Concur with mikepedley85 about the problem of using terms for a fantasy world that right now exists only in your mind.
“Second Follower” — what is that supposed to mean? I have no idea what the dramatic significance? of such a character.? “NightSouls” — who are they? and what makes them so bad they must be defeated?
Characters and situations should be introduced in terms that the typical logline reader should already be familiar with.? Save the terms unique to your fantasy world? for exposition in the script.
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