1. Posted: January 30, 2018In:

    When a brutal warrior is blinded in a fight, he must go with the woman he tried to save to a magic river to get his eye sight healed before they’re both hunted by a cannibal tribe.

    henb Samurai

    'He must go with the woman he tried to save to a magic river to get his eye sight healed', I would change this to explain why he must travel with the woman, and 'he tried to save' would sound better if it is just 'he saved' and I think it would be cool if you explain what he saved her from. Unless iRead more

    ‘He must go with the woman he tried to save to a magic river to get his eye sight healed’, I would change this to explain why he must travel with the woman, and ‘he tried to save’ would sound better if it is just ‘he saved’ and I think it would be cool if you explain what he saved her from. Unless it’s the ghost of a woman he failed to save, then I think you should specify that. Instead of ‘magic’ I would choose a less-common word, like ‘blessed’ or ‘mystical’, and ‘to get his eye sight healed’ could be shortened: ‘to heal his eyes’.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: May 5, 2019In:

    An angel from heaven comes down on earth to be with a depressed young man until the time that finally meets his soulmate in fulfillment of his deceased mother?s prayer.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Good parts to build on. Agree with most of the other comments.Assuming the angel has no other conflict than in helping the man, the next attempt should clarify how the angel helps and if the angel reveals itself to the man or acts incognito.? Why does the man need help? If he's depressed because ofRead more

    Good parts to build on. Agree with most of the other comments.

    Assuming the angel has no other conflict than in helping the man, the next attempt should clarify how the angel helps and if the angel reveals itself to the man or acts incognito.? Why does the man need help? If he’s depressed because of his mother, then it’s assumed and should be? replaced by a better description and his flaw or issue.? Be specific to paint? the mental picture and convey the? tone…different details make this a drama or comedy (within the fantasy).

    Even if the angel is the protag, it seems doable for it to not have any stakes other than the man’s soulmate. If the man is not the protag, he can still have the arc.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: May 4, 2019In:

    When a portal opens up for demons to escape Hell, the devil?s son must go to earth to round up the demons and deliver the one who made the portal to Yahweh before He cleans up the mess, sending every demon and creature into oblivion along with the son, if he?s still on earth.

    Richiev Singularity

    Here is a thought. Perhaps start with a regular joe. He has a wife and kid and is living the American dream. A normal life The gates of hell are open and it turns out this regular joe is the son of the devil, half human, half devil. He turned his back on hell for the love of a woman and he is livingRead more

    Here is a thought.

    Perhaps start with a regular joe. He has a wife and kid and is living the American dream. A normal life

    The gates of hell are open and it turns out this regular joe is the son of the devil, half human, half devil.

    He turned his back on hell for the love of a woman and he is living his life incognito and just wants to be a regular guy.

    Now to save his family he must send the demons back to the abyss.

    See less
    • 0