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A single father/cat burglar needs to steal an ancient artifact in order to help his ailing son, grabs the attention of a 700-year-old warlord; now he must outwit CAIN to save the life of his kidnaped son.
What dpg said, plus If it isn't the biblical CAIN, you should drop the name. How does outwitting him looks on-screen?"After an evil guardian kidnaps his daughter for robbing his elixir, a cat burglar must rescue her before her sickness takes over"
What dpg said, plus If it isn’t the biblical CAIN, you should drop the name. How does outwitting him looks on-screen?
“After an evil guardian kidnaps his daughter for robbing his elixir, a cat burglar must rescue her before her sickness takes over”
See lessSingle father and cat burglar Greg Valdez steals an ancient artifact and must outwit a 700-year-old madman to save the life of his son.
Yep, don't leave readers guessing, having to read twice, three times to figure out what the story is.? A logline has? one? window of opportunity, 10-12 seconds, to pitch the plot, set the story hook.? There are no second chances.? A reader must immediately grasp what the story is about ,? immediatelRead more
Yep, don’t leave readers guessing, having to read twice, three times to figure out what the story is.? A logline has? one? window of opportunity, 10-12 seconds, to pitch the plot, set the story hook.? There are no second chances.? A reader must immediately grasp what the story is about ,? immediately get hooked.
An additional challenge in this logline is that the protagonist is a thief.? We may sympathize with his son for being an innocent victim.? But it will be hard to sympathize with the protagonist; the dramatic predicament is his fault.? His action has caused the fecal fury? that is inflicted upon his son.?
See less“A lightning strike changes the half breed twins path as they search for the truth behind their father’s death. While a vengeful Uncle strives to strip their shaman grandfather of all that he holds dear.”
I agree with the above.Also, take care of your syntax and grammar. You are a writer; delivering a couple of sentences in good shape is the least you can do. For example:While a vengeful Uncle strives to strip their shaman grandfather of all that he holds dear.A "while" clause needs a main clause. ChRead more
I agree with the above.
Also, take care of your syntax and grammar. You are a writer; delivering a couple of sentences in good shape is the least you can do. For example:
A “while” clause needs a main clause. Check this out.
Also:
My (Apple) dictionary declares “half-breed” (with a hyphen) as “offensive.” Also, since we neither know the two races that have come together to create the twins (they could be orcs and elves for all I know), nor the meaning of race in the world of your story, perhaps you should keep it out of the logline.
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