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An aged out of foster care is victim of psychic attacks on his path to become rich in the city of poker while a group of magic bandids plot to heist the casino.
What does "...an aged out of foster care..." mean? Clarity is important in a logline, and you can't afford to have one word out of place. Describe the psychic attacks instead of just stating that they take place. Otherwise, it's unclear what happens in this story. Best if you describe the first attaRead more
What does “…an aged out of foster care…” mean?
Clarity is important in a logline, and you can’t afford to have one word out of place.
Describe the psychic attacks instead of just stating that they take place. Otherwise, it’s unclear what happens in this story.
Best if you describe the first attack and use that as your inciting event.
Lastly, becoming rich is rather superficial, is there another goal you could give the main character?
See lessa young rain-maker must quickly master her abilities to save the kingdom from the Ruler of storms
I agree with all of the above. You are super close to having a solid logline -and I like the concept, too!"Mastering her abilities" sounds like she must sit down and study what she knows she has. I think the best examples of character growth come from discovering inner values the character does notRead more
I agree with all of the above. You are super close to having a solid logline -and I like the concept, too!
“Mastering her abilities” sounds like she must sit down and study what she knows she has. I think the best examples of character growth come from discovering inner values the character does not know they have.
See lessRevised (Round 2)- After a tragedy in London, Ohio, sends a dead soldier to the Veil World of the Supernatural, The soldier must stop a werewolf from entering the veil and destroying reality and exposing the supernatural to world, provoking chaos and destruction.
If the soldier was transported to the veil world it would have to already be open, therefore, the warewolf doesn't need to open anything - it's already been done. OR am I missing something... Did the soldier find another way into the veil world? Sorry, I can't seem to get my head around the mechanisRead more
If the soldier was transported to the veil world it would have to already be open, therefore, the warewolf doesn’t need to open anything – it’s already been done. OR am I missing something… Did the soldier find another way into the veil world? Sorry, I can’t seem to get my head around the mechanisms at play.
See less