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A strong teenage girl begins training at a unique academy to fight the Gods who are trying to kill her family and her.
What differentiates this from? Wonder Woman?
What differentiates this from? Wonder Woman?
See lessAfter being discharged for unauthorized actions, the wolf soldier works as a security guard for a rich CEO until he is ordered to take down a terrorist group in his hometown hellbent on destroying the Queen.
What makes this mission personal for him? Hometown isn't enough, perhaps you could make it so a terrorist group threatens his parents/siblings/wife... this way the stakes are made immediately clear.
What makes this mission personal for him? Hometown isn’t enough, perhaps you could make it so a terrorist group threatens his parents/siblings/wife… this way the stakes are made immediately clear.
See lessAfter Mankind’s potential for good, The Son of the Devil, in defiance of his father, arrives in Los Angeles to send the supernatural creatures back to hell before they take over the city and find the hole in the Gateway before they take over the world.
What's LA got to do with it? If you're going to be specific about the location I feel like I want to understand why. You've got two goals - send them back to hell before they take over the city, find the hell portal and seal it before they take over the world. They are very similar (in a visual sensRead more
What’s LA got to do with it? If you’re going to be specific about the location I feel like I want to understand why.
You’ve got two goals – send them back to hell before they take over the city, find the hell portal and seal it before they take over the world. They are very similar (in a visual sense) so pick one and go with it.
I think dpg is saying that “supernatural creatures” could be more explicit. If you mean demons, say demons. If you mean vampires, ghouls, goblins, etc say that! The reader needs to be able to see it in their mind. Just cos you say demons in the logline doesn’t mean there can’t be other creatures in the screenplay BUT keep the logline simple and visual.
Richiev covered the Inciting Incident so I won’t mention that but I agree with him on all his points.
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