1. Posted: September 9, 2018In:

    When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.

    dpg Singularity

    AnkhEnergy: You've obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into your story.? I've said my 2.5 cents worth on the psychopathology and will leave it at that. One final thought: you're synopsis discloses information I was totally unaware of, could have never gleaned from the logline.? InformatioRead more

    AnkhEnergy:

    You’ve obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into your story.? I’ve said my 2.5 cents worth on the psychopathology and will leave it at that.

    One final thought: you’re synopsis discloses information I was totally unaware of, could have never gleaned from the logline.? Information that frames your story in a different light.? Specifically, that your story is? specific setting as to country (Brazil) and culture (African).? I suggest this is need-to-know information that needs to be? concisely included in the logline because it’s your story hook.

    In my book,? the most important factor in a logline, the must-have ingredient,? is the story hook,? an interest grabber that distinguishes,? differentiates a story from other stories with similar generic plot lines.? In this case,? from other plots about flawed a protagonist needing to rescue a damsel in distress from a malevolent entity.

    Regards and best wishes with your writing.

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  2. Posted: August 18, 2018In:

    Forced to flee a city, an irresponsible young man finds himself standing up to sinister elements to save souls in a mysterious secluded town where no one is allowed to leave.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>only to discover his own was stolen years before.That's an interesting Big Reveal, but it seems to be a spoiler, something the protagonist discovers late in 2nd Act or in the 3rd Act.? ? A logline should never contain a spoiler.A late in the story Big Reveal, as dramatically interestingRead more

    >>>only to discover his own was stolen years before.

    That’s an interesting Big Reveal, but it seems to be a spoiler, something the protagonist discovers late in 2nd Act or in the 3rd Act.? ? A logline should never contain a spoiler.

    A late in the story Big Reveal, as dramatically interesting as it may be, doesn’t qualify as a story hook.? Why?? Because a story hook is a feature of the story that will attract and hold viewer interest? early on, in the 1st Act, in the 1st 30 minutes or so of the story — not later at the end of the 2nd? Act or in the beginning of the 3rd.? It’s an element that will be featured prominently in the trailers and teasers for the film.? Big Reveals can be hinted at in trailers and teasers– but they are never disclosed.? So they don’t belong in loglines either.

    As far as I understand the concept,? the story hook seems to be that for some reason folks are trapped by a mysterious force in a town, a force that is also killing them off one by one.

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  3. Posted: June 29, 2018In:

    When his reflection changes to a young woman who needs his help, a reclusive author must enter Miraland and lead the rebellion against the crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.So what?? There are so many crooked regimes and corruption in the real world, what difference will one more make?? What is so gawdawful about the regime in the mirror world that makes it worst than anything in this world --Read more

    >>>crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.

    So what?? There are so many crooked regimes and corruption in the real world, what difference will one more make?? What is so gawdawful about the regime in the mirror world that makes it worst than anything in this world — the worst of all possible worlds?

    Alas, my impression of the logline through all the iterations is that of an interesting inciting incident, a good idea in quest of a worthy plot.? As Woody Allen said, “Good ideas are a dime a dozen: ‘It’s the then what?’ that kills you.”

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