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When the boy she meets turns out to be a werewolf like her, a sheltered girl begins a forbidden relationship with that helps express their beastly forms but runs the risk of being discovered by the paranoid hicks of her small town.
Isn't it usually forbidden for werewolf/human hookups? Not human/human or werewolf/werewolf? And "paranoid" seems a bit harsh, I mean they literally are monsters, aren't they right to be concerned??Your tone is unclear.
Isn’t it usually forbidden for werewolf/human hookups? Not human/human or werewolf/werewolf? And “paranoid” seems a bit harsh, I mean they literally are monsters, aren’t they right to be concerned??Your tone is unclear.
See lessAfter a young girl finds a strange red cloak that influences and changes her behavior, her twin brother must rescue her from a strange forest before she completely forgets who she is.
I feel like I'd connect with this more if I knew the cape's goal. That may sound dumb but somebody enchanted this thing - to what end? "Influences and changes" is redundant, "influences and changes her behavior" is description overkill?if all it's doing is making her lose her memories, you could jusRead more
I feel like I’d connect with this more if I knew the cape’s goal. That may sound dumb but somebody enchanted this thing – to what end? “Influences and changes” is redundant, “influences and changes her behavior” is description overkill?if all it’s doing is making her lose her memories, you could just say that, which you already do a few words later… all this is making me think there’s more to the cape than memory loss, and if so, what and why? That would help with stakes, as well. And if the cape itself is the antagonist, then we definitely need to feel like it’s not just random.
See lessMalevolent Rattlesnake. Trickster Coyote. Romantic Jackrabbit. To rescue her kidnapped daughter, she must face them all in a dangerous and perplexing supernatural world.
Who /what kidnapped her?? More important than listing the fantastical animals who may be either obstacles or potential allies is identifying the foe, the antagonist.
Who /what kidnapped her?? More important than listing the fantastical animals who may be either obstacles or potential allies is identifying the foe, the antagonist.
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