1. Posted: June 18, 2018In:

    To save the Tree of Life from the ever encroaching shadow, a girl must learn to once again trust in humanity. The very people that wiped out her entire kingdom.

    variable Uberwriter

    "When the shadow engulfs a neighbouring farm, the forest nymph must save the tree of life, overcoming her distrust in humans" . . But why should she? A similar premise took place in Miyazaki's "Princess Mononoke (1997)". What makes your plot unique? Also, the stakes aren't clear. What if the Tree faRead more

    “When the shadow engulfs a neighbouring farm, the forest nymph must save the tree of life, overcoming her distrust in humans”
    .
    .
    But why should she?

    A similar premise took place in Miyazaki’s “Princess Mononoke (1997)”. What makes your plot unique?

    Also, the stakes aren’t clear.
    What if the Tree falls?
    aka., what’s her dramatic need? As a result of which, what becomes her objective-visual-goal?

    Good Luck!!

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  2. Posted: May 23, 2018In:

    When people die when they touch the doctor he must defeat death, who chose him as his successor, to return to normality.

    RheaSolaris Logliner

    Is he (the doctor) like a something to resemble 'philosopher's stone'? You could've included the harm turning someone to gold does, doesn't it mean anyhow they're gonna die? Being invisible isn't as much the same as being a piece of an object - Gold sounds furious, or may be the person is, who turneRead more

    Is he (the doctor) like a something to resemble ‘philosopher’s stone’? You could’ve included the harm turning someone to gold does, doesn’t it mean anyhow they’re gonna die? Being invisible isn’t as much the same as being a piece of an object – Gold sounds furious, or may be the person is, who turned into a gold object – or else, doesn’t death happen anyhow? – isn’t it normal to die, anyhow people die, and magic like that of philosopher’s stone and that old story I know – of Midas – does your story resemble the story of Midas – if I were writing one such story based on the logline, I’d include these two as one person – Midas and ‘Philosopher’s Stone’.

    Or else, try thinking the ‘other possibility’. Of what I said earlier here. If people die by touch of the doctor, if I were him I’d search for this – where does the power come from? And seeing that he’s genuinely a doctor who’d want to save lives instead of killing – it’s pointless to think otherwise, or else, think of the first possibility. Reasons – why’d he kill, or not kill, when someone is given powers, there comes either responsibility with it, or it goes unnoticed, anyhow, people die. Gold sounds to be more attractive, than a dead body.

    Just a couple of suggestions I gave here – if I were writing a story with this logline.

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  3. Posted: May 23, 2018In:

    Legend of Tomato

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Protagonist's need allies, of course.? But to include one in a logline runs the risk of elevating the ally to a rival for the lead role in the story.? Which is my first impression here.? And first impressions matter, because? you can't assume that a logline reader is going to slow down and re-read aRead more

    Protagonist’s need allies, of course.? But to include one in a logline runs the risk of elevating the ally to a rival for the lead role in the story.? Which is my first impression here.? And first impressions matter, because? you can’t assume that a logline reader is going to slow down and re-read a logline.? You have one chance, 15 seconds or less, to make the right impression — and a strong impression.

    So I can see the mage as being a more interesting protagonist.? Why? Because he’s young, immature, untested? needs to prove himself.? He needs to grow into his calling .? Which is to say, the mage has an implied character arc.? In contrast, I see no particular character arc for the pit fighter.? All I see is a weak character, so weak he needs to be rescued by the mage.? The pit fighter doesn’t commence to change his life on his own — it takes the intervention of the mage for him to break out of his status quo.

    So who is in the driver’s seat of the story?? Who make the plot happen?? The pit fighter or the mage?? And how does the leading candidate for the role of the protagonist make the plot happen?? As written the logline seems to say that the mage enables the pit fighter’s life to change (which implicitly casts him in the action mode of a protagonist).

    I realize my reading? leads your intended story line off the rails.? But this is what can happen when you inject another character other than the protagonist and the antagonist into the logline.?

    And who is the antagonist, anyway?? Who opposes the protagonist? Who doomed him to be a pit fighter in the back story?? And where is he now?? What is the antagonist up to while the? protagonist is on his quest?

    fwiw

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